We like to think of conflict as unusual, an unpleasant exception to the normal routine of our relationships. Each conflict seems freshly painful and unprecedented. “I can’t believe it!” we text or post, “We had a terrible fight last night!” Friends immediately fire back messages echoing our shock: “OMG, really?!”

But conflict is a normal part of all relationships (Canary, 2003). Dealing with other human beings (and their unique goals, preferences, and opinions) means regularly having your wants and needs run up against theirs, triggering disputes (Malis & Roloff, 2006). On average, people report seven conflicts a week, mostly with relatives, friends, and lovers with whom they’ve argued before (Benoit & Benoit, 1990). Thus, the challenge you face is not how to avoid conflict, or how to live a conflict-free life, but instead how to constructively manage the conflicts that will arise in your interpersonal relationships.