Technology and Handling Conflict

Given how much of our daily communication occurs via technology, it’s no surprise that conflicts occur through text- or instant-messaging, e-mail, and Web posts. Nearly two-thirds of college students (61.2 percent) report using mediated channels to engage in conflicts, the most popular form being text-messaging (Frisby & Westerman, 2010). When asked why they choose mediated channels rather than face-to-face contact, respondents report “geographical distance” as the most common reason. Without the means for immediately seeing someone, texting becomes a tempting alternative for handling conflict.

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© The New Yorker Collection 1999 Peter Steiner from cartoonbank.com. All Rights Reserved.

Unfortunately, such media are not well suited for resolving conflicts. The inability to see nonverbal reactions to messages makes people less aware of the consequences of their communication choices (Joinson, 2001). As a result, people are more likely to prioritize their own goals, minimize a partner’s goals, and use hostile personal attacks in pursuit of their goals online than face-to-face (Shedletsky & Aitken, 2004).

Thus, the first and most important step in managing conflict constructively is to take the encounter offline. Doing so can dramatically reduce the likelihood of attributional errors and substantially boost empathy. If meeting face-to-face isn’t an option at the time, you can try to stall the encounter by saying, “I think this is best handled in person. When can we get together and talk?” If you can’t (or don’t want to) meet, then switch to a phone call. That way, you’ll at least have vocal cues to gauge a partner’s reaction and enhance your empathy.

If, however, you’re in a situation in which you must deal with the conflict online, try these suggestions (Munro, 2002):

  1. Wait and reread. When you receive a message that triggers a conflict, don’t respond right away. Instead, wait for a while, engage in other activities, and then reread it. This helps you to avoid communicating when your anger is at its peak. It also provides the opportunity for reassessment: often, in rereading a message, you’ll find that your initial interpretation was mistaken.
  2. Assume the best and watch out for the worst. When reviewing the trigger message, presume that the sender meant well but didn’t express him- or herself competently. Keep in mind all you know about the challenges of online communication: anonymity and online disinhibition, empathy deficits, and inappropriate expression. At the same time, realize that some people enjoy conflict. Firing back a nasty message may be exactly what they want.
  3. Seek outside counsel. Before responding to online conflict messages, discuss the situation offline (ideally, face-to-face) with someone who knows you well, and whose opinion you trust and respect. Having an additional viewpoint will help you perspective-take and make wise communication decisions.
  4. Weigh your options carefully. Choose cautiously between engaging or avoiding the conflict. Consider the consequences associated with each option, and which is most likely to net you the long-term outcomes you desire. Ask yourself: will responding at this time help to resolve the conflict, or escalate things further?
  5. Communicate competently. When crafting your response, draw upon all you know about competent interpersonal communication. Use “I” language, incorporate appropriate emoticons, express empathy and perspective-take, encourage the sharing of relevant thoughts and feelings, and make clear your willingness to negotiate mutually agreeable solutions. Perhaps most important, start and end your message with positive statements that support rather than attack the other person’s viewpoints.

Skills Practice

Online Conflict

Effectively working through conflict online

  1. Wait before responding to a message or post that provokes you.
  2. Reread and reassess the message.
  3. Consider all of the factors that may have caused the other person to communicate this way.
  4. Discuss the situation offline with someone you trust.
  5. Craft a competent response that begins and ends with supportive statements, uses “I” language, expresses empathy, and emphasizes mutuality rather than just your own perspective and goals.

Question

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LearningCurve

Chapter 9