Grammar as Rhetoric and Style

Modifiers

A modifier may be a one-word adverb or adjective; a phrase, such as a prepositional phrase or a participial phrase; or a clause, such as an adjective clause. At its best, a modifier describes, focuses, or qualifies the nouns, pronouns, and verbs it modifies. But when a writer overuses or incorrectly uses modifiers, the result may be verbose or even flowery writing.

Here is how David Denby describes the “most hated young woman in America” in “High-School Confidential: Notes on Teen Movies”:

a blonde—well, sometimes a redhead or a brunette, but usually a blonde. She has big hair flipped into a swirl of gold at one side of her face or arrayed in a sultry mane. . . . She’s tall and slender, with a waist as supple as a willow, but she’s dressed in awful, spangled taste.

These sentences include single-word adjectives (sultry, tall, slender, supple, awful, spangled), a participle followed by two prepositional phrases (flipped into a swirl of gold), and several other prepositional phrases (at one side of her face; in a sultry mane; with a waist . . . ; in awful, spangled taste). When we call attention to all of them like this, the modification may seem heavy, but in the passage itself, all the modifiers do not amount to overkill because Denby paces them.

Let’s look more closely at another Denby sentence with a participial phrase as a modifier:

Sprawling and dull in class, he comes alive in the halls and in the cafeteria.

Here Denby has essentially combined two sentences: “He is sprawling and dull in class. He comes alive in the halls and in the cafeteria.” The result is a smoother, single sentence that focuses on the difference between the subject’s behavior in and out of class.

In Chuck Klosterman’s “My Zombie, Myself: Why Modern Life Feels Rather Undead,” the author uses key single-word adverbs to create his distinctive voice. Look at Rather in the title, for example. Look also at this passage:

In other words, zombie killing is philosophically similar to reading and deleting 400 work e-mails on a Monday morning or filling out paperwork that only generates more paperwork, or following Twitter gossip out of obligation, or performing tedious tasks in which the only true risk is being consumed by the avalanche.

The juxtaposition of philosophically and zombie killing is a good example of how Klosterman comments on an aspect of modern life through popular culture. The mock seriousness is a hallmark of his style.

Rhetorical and Stylistic Strategy

Modifiers can enliven, focus, and qualify ideas. The placement of modifiers can add to or detract from these effects. Note the following example by Denby.

Physically awkward, she walks like a seal crossing a beach, and is prone to drop her books and dither in terror when she stands before a handsome boy.

The modifiers that describe the girl gather steam, and finally, in a prepositional phrase at the end of the sentence, they contrast her with the handsome boy. Note the different effect if the handsome boy comes into the sentence before the awkward girl drops her books and dithers:

When she stands before the handsome boy, physically awkward, she walks like a seal crossing a beach, and is prone to drop her books and dither in terror.

Announcing the handsome boy early in the sentence undercuts the contrast between the girl and the boy that Denby wants to stress.

In the accompanying panel from page 140 in Scott McCloud’s comic-book guide to reading comic books, note how the modifiers reinforce the changes in our reading habits that occur as we age. Note also the progression in the drawings: the very young boy in the first frame grows into the older man by the third; the narrator shows up in the fourth to finish his commentary. In addition to the drawings, McCloud has the advantage of the text’s graphic flexibility: little punctuation besides dashes, and boldface and italics to stress certain words.

image

The first frame begins the progression with the modifier as children and describes picture books as having pictures galore. The second begins with then, showing time moving on, stressing text with more and minimizing pictures with occasional. The third places us finally as grown-ups, and our books have no pictures at all. Quite a switch from galore! In the last frame, McCloud’s qualifier perhaps suggests further ruin in the future: sadly . . . no books at all.

Consider the effect of the modifier now in this sentence from Mark Twain:

We are conforming in the other way, now, because it is another case of everybody.

The placement of now in the middle of the sentence reinforces the other way and reminds us that Twain is making a point about the mercurial nature of public opinion.

Cautions

Studying how accomplished writers use modifiers helps us understand how to use them effectively. Following are some cautions to keep in mind when using modifiers in your own writing.

  1. Do not use too many modifiers. David Denby gives a clear visual image of the evil high school cheerleader by using a variety of modifiers. However, less experienced writers may overwrite by including too many adjectives, as shown in the following example:

    The bright yellow compact car with the pun-laden, out-of-state vanity plates was like beautiful, warm sunshine on the gray, dreary Tuesday afternoon.

  2. Do not rely on adjectives when strong verbs are more effective. Instead of writing, “Elani walked with a confident and quick stride,” perhaps say, “Elani strutted” or “Elani strode.”
  3. Beware of adding too many qualifiers. Be especially careful about really and very.
    • “Troy felt really sad” might be expressed as “Troy felt discouraged” or “despondent.” Or it might simply be stated as “Troy felt sad.”
    • Similarly, “The mockingbird’s song is very beautiful” is probably just as well stated as “The mockingbird’s song is beautiful” or, introducing a strong verb, as “The mockingbird serenades.”

You need not avoid qualifiers altogether, but if you find yourself using them over and over, it’s time to check whether they’re really very effective.