Synthesis: Incorporating Sources into a Revision

Following are two versions of an essay. The first is a draft that student Martin Copeland wrote in response to this prompt:

Explain why you believe that fraternities, sororities, or both do or do not build community or provide a positive community environment for their members.

The second essay is Martin’s revision after he researched the topic of fraternities and sororities further. Using the questions following each version of the essay, discuss specific ways in which the second is an improvement over the first, and suggest ways for further improvement. (Note: Both the draft and the revision were written outside class without time constraints.)