As in medieval Europe and traditional India and China, marriage in Muslim society was considered too important an undertaking to be left to the romantic emotions of the young. Families or guardians, not the prospective bride and groom, identified suitable partners and finalized the contract. Because it was absolutely essential that the bride be a virgin, marriages were arranged shortly after the onset of the girl’s menstrual period at age twelve or thirteen. Husbands were commonly ten to fifteen years older. Youthful marriages ensured a long period of fertility.

A wife’s responsibilities depended on the wealth and occupation of her husband. A farmer’s wife helped in the fields, ground the corn, carried water, prepared food, and did the myriad tasks necessary in rural life. Shopkeepers’ wives in the cities sometimes helped in business. In an upper-class household, the wife supervised servants, looked after all domestic arrangements, and did whatever was needed for her husband’s comfort.

In every case, children were the wife’s special domain. A mother exercised authority over her children and enjoyed their respect. Thus, as in Chinese culture, the prestige of the young wife depended on the production of children — especially sons — as rapidly as possible. A wife’s failure to have children was one of the main reasons for a man to divorce his wife or take a second wife.

Like the Jewish tradition, Muslim law permits divorce. Although divorce is allowed, it is not encouraged. One commentator cited the Prophet as saying, “The lawful thing which God hates most is divorce.”2

In contrast to the traditional Christian view of sexual activity as inherently shameful and only a cure for lust even within marriage, Islam maintains a healthy acceptance of sexual pleasure for both males and females. The Qur’an permits a man to have four wives, provided that all are treated justly. The vast majority of Muslim males, however, were monogamous because only the wealthy could afford to support more than one wife.