Leaning In versus Gender Judo

Making up 50 percent of the population and 47 percent of the workforce (U.S. Census Bureau, 2012), women are outperforming men in terms of earning college and advanced degrees (Associated Press, 2011; Perry, 2013). But when you look at the highest levels of corporate and public sector leadership, it’s clearly still a man’s world: in January 2014, a mere 23 of the CEOs of Fortune 500 companies were female and the United States Congress had only 99 women (79 out of 435 in the House of Representatives). Leaving aside the reasons for the underrepresentation of half the population in corner offices, consider the communication challenges that women working in male-dominated industries face. What’s it like to be the lone woman at the boy’s club? And how do women overcome preconceived notions of masculine versus feminine leadership styles?

Facebook CEO Sheryl Sandberg struck a chord with women when she suggested that females in leadership roles take a firmer stand in advocating for themselves—and, by extension, for all women. Her 2013 book Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead encouraged women to stop underestimating themselves and act like men, to stop worrying about appearing “bossy,” and to simply be the boss. The phrase “lean in” took hold in the public imagination as stylistic shorthand for women to push themselves outside of their comfort zone and to make the same demands that men typically do. By “leaning in” instead of “pulling back,” Sandberg argued, women would be playing by the same rules as men, allowing themselves to be as ambitious—and successful and well compensated—as their male colleagues. When outnumbered in the boardroom, Sandberg explained, it is even more crucial for women to demand their seat at the table.

But other women in similar situations have noted that it may be easier—and more effective—to use more traditional feminine communication techniques when dealing with an entrenched masculine culture. Joan C. Williams interviewed 127 highly successful women and found that adopting masculine communication styles often backfired. “If you’re too feminine,” Williams explains, “you’re perceived as incompetent. But if you’re too masculine, you’re seen as difficult to work with.” Williams suggests what she calls “gender judo” (judo being the Japanese martial art of the “gentle way,” which involves overcoming your opponent by using his own momentum to overpower him). In practice, it means reminding men of traditional feminine roles (like that of a mother, daughter, or teacher) with which they are comfortable and using those roles to exert authority. “Be warm Ms. Mother 95 percent of the time,” explained one executive “so that the 5 percent of the time when you need to be tough, you can be” (quoted in Williams, 2014).