Using language to express feelings competently can be a powerful addition to your communication skills in a variety of settings. In a small group (Chapter 9), you might need to express your frustration with the fact that you’re doing most of the work. In an organization (Chapter 11), you might save your company time and money by effectively sharing your concerns about a project.
Poets, writers, and lyricists are celebrated for using language to capture and express emotions. But most expressions of feelings are less elaborately composed than a Shakespearean sonnet or an angry protest song. In everyday conversation and correspondence, we use language to send messages to others expressing how we feel about ourselves, them, or the situation. Young children can say, “I’m sad,” and cry or laugh to communicate feelings. As you mature, you learn how to express a more complex set of emotions—
We all use language to express our feelings, but to be competent, we must do so appropriately and effectively. Many people don’t communicate their emotions well. For example, Elliot expresses frustration with his staff by yelling at them; his staff responds by mocking Elliot at a local pub after work. Instead, Elliot could have said, “I’m worried that we’re not going to make the deadline on this project”; someone on his staff could have said, “I’m feeling tense about making the deadline, too, but I’m also confused about why you yelled at me.” Sometimes, appropriate and effective communication means avoiding expressing feelings that we consider inappropriate or risky in a given situation (Burleson, Holmstrom, & Gilstrap, 2005). For example, when Abby’s boyfriend suggests sharing an apartment next semester, Abby changes the subject to avoid admitting that she’s uncomfortable taking that step.