Chapter 7 Outline

• Types of Interpersonal Relationships
• Why We Form Relationships
• Managing Relationship Dynamics
• Self-Disclosure and Interpersonal Relationships
• Stages of a Relationship

1. Interpersonal relationships are the interconnections and interdependence between two individuals. They are formed and maintained through interpersonal communication, the exchange of verbal and nonverbal messages between people who build relationships, share meanings, and accomplish social goals.
   1. Every person has a complex relational network, or web of relationships that connect individuals to one another.
      1. A family is a small social group bound by ties of blood, civil contract, and a commitment to care for and be responsible for one another, often in a shared household.
      2. Friendship is a close and caring relationship between two people that is perceived as mutually satisfying and beneficial. Research agrees on six important characteristics of friendship: availability, caring, honesty, trust, loyalty, and empathy. Social relationships are functional within a specific context, but are less intimate than friendship.
      3. Romantic relationships are characterized by love—a deep affection for and attachment to another person involving emotional ties, with varying degrees of passion, commitment, and intimacy (closeness and understanding of a relational partner). Studies reveal six categories of love.
         1. Eros is a love of beauty and sexuality.
         2. Ludus is a casual, playful love.
         3. Storge is a love that lacks passion.
         4. Pragma involves committed, practical love.
         5. Mania is intense, romantic love.
         6. Agape is selfless, unconditional love. [[DE: OK? Per definition on p. 186.]]
      4. Online relationships do not allow for the same use of nonverbal cues, so they often form and are maintained differently from face-to-face relationships.
         1. The social information processing theory argues that communicators use unique language and stylistic cues in their online messages to develop relationships that are just as close as those that grow from face-to-face content—but often take longer to become intimate.
         2. Online communicators often develop hyperpersonal communication, which is even more personal and intimate than face-to-face interaction.

   Ask Yourself:

   • What are the main differences between family relationships and friendships? How does this affect the way you interact and communicate in these relationships?
   • Why do you think we tend to communicate more information more quickly in online settings? How does this influence our online relationships?
2. Interpersonal relationship formation is complex and is influenced by a number of factors.
   1. Proximity (nearness) is important because we must be able to interact in some way with someone in order to form a relationship. Virtual proximity is used for relationship formation and maintenance.
   2. Physical attraction plays an important role in attracting others in the early stages of a relationship, but you can be attracted to individuals romantically, intellectually, and socially, as well.
   3. People look for and tend to be happiest with others who are similar to them, and similarity can be closely connected to our perceptions of a person’s attractive qualities.
   4. Human beings form and maintain relationships in order to satisfy basic personal and social needs.
      1. Relationships meet our need for inclusion, to involve others in our lives and to be involved in the lives of others, by offering companionship.
      2. Relationships fulfill our innate need for intellectual, emotional, and physical stimulation.
      3. We enter relationships to achieve particular goals, such as alleviating loneliness or expanding our social network for career opportunities.

   Ask Yourself:

   • Think about a nonfamily relationship you have or have had. How did the relationship form? Was proximity a factor? How about similarity?
   • Can you think of one relationship you have that helps stimulate you? In what ways does it help you meet your goals in life?
3. As our connections to others are constantly changing, growing, and evolving throughout our lives, managing these relationship dynamics well is important.
   1. Social exchange theory explains the process of balancing the advantages and disadvantages of a relationship.
      1. Rewards are elements of a relationship that you feel good about (benefits such as social status or intellectual stimulation).
      2. Costs are aspects of the relationship that upset or annoy you, cause you stress, or damage your own self-image or lifestyle (such as conflict or jealousy).
   2. The uncertainty reduction theory holds that when two people meet, their main focus is to decrease the uncertainty about each other.
      1. Passive strategies involve observing people as they communicate with others.
      2. Active strategies let you obtain information about people more directly, by seeking information from a third party.
      3. Interactive strategies involve speaking directly with individuals rather than observing them passively or asking others for information.
   3. Relational dialectics theory holds that dialectical tensions are contradictory feelings—external or internal to the relationship—that tug at us in every relationship.
      1. Autonomy versus connection is the struggle between wanting independence and also wanting to be dependent on another person.
      2. Openness versus closedness is the competing desire to share information while also maintaining privacy.
      3. Predictability versus novelty is the simultaneous need for stability and new and exciting adventures.

   Ask Yourself:

   • Can you describe a situation in which any of the dialectical tensions were present in a relationship? How did you manage them?
   • Do you think cost-reward analysis is useful in relationship formation and maintenance? Why or why not?
4. Self-disclosure is a vital part of initiating and managing relationships.
   1. Social penetration theory explains how partners move from superficial levels to greater intimacy (like peeling off the layers of an onion).
   2. Communication privacy management theory helps explain how people perceive the information they hold about themselves and whether they will disclose or protect it.
      1. Privacy management can be affected by the dialectical tension of openness versus closedness.
      2. Privacy management requires cultural, situational, and relational rules or expectations by which people must be willing to abide.
         1. When we experience a threat to our privacy boundaries, we experience boundary turbulence and must readjust our need for privacy against our need for self-disclosure and connection.
   3. Strategic topic avoidance is used to maneuver conversation away from undesirable or uncomfortable topics.

   Ask Yourself:

   • Have you ever shared too much too quickly in a relationship? What were the perceived consequences?
   • How do you engage in communication privacy management? How did you manage a situation in which some of your private information was disclosed unintentionally?
5. Most relationships tend to go through a series of predictable stages in which communication behaviors differ. Relational events called turning points are positive or negative events or changes that stand out in people’s minds as important to defining their relationships. Turning points can shift a relationship to a new stage.
   1. In the initiating stage, individuals make contact with another person.
   2. During the exploratory stage, individuals seek relatively superficial information from the other person.
   3. During the intensification stage, relational partners become increasingly intimate and engage in more personal self-disclosures.
   4. The stable stage is marked by feelings of security and acknowledging that the relationship is no longer volatile or temporary.
      1. During this stage, partners begin integrating, or “becoming one” with each other.
      2. During bonding, partners share the importance of their relationship with the world through formal public messages.
   5. The declining stage is the unraveling of the relationship and is typically caused by one of three factors.
      1. Uncertainty events, such as competing relationships or deception, can cause one or both partners to question the relationship.
      2. Obstacles that occur in a relationship—such as timing or money issues—can interfere with its growth.
      3. Unmet expectations, or ideas of what should happen in a relationship that have not come to pass, can create problems.
   6. During relationship repair, individuals in a declining relationship attempt to save their connection through various repair tactics (such as improving communication and focusing on the positive aspects of the relationship).
   7. The termination stage is marked by the end of the relationship.
      1. A relationship passing away involves the gradual fading of the relationship.
      2. A relationship’s sudden death is characterized by abrupt and—at least for one partner—unexpected termination of the relationship.
   8. Reconciliation is a repair strategy for rekindling a terminated relationship that employs a variety of tactics: spontaneous development, third-party mediation, high affect, tacit persistence, mutual interaction, and avoidance.

   Ask Yourself:

   • Can you identify the transitions between stages in your last romantic relationship?
   • Can you identify the event that led to each transition?