Unmet Expectations

Whenever people enter into a relationship, they form ideas about what they think will or should happen; these expectations influence how we (and our partners) send and receive messages. Unrealistic expectations can create problems in a relationship: if Hannah believes that true love means never arguing, she might interpret her boyfriend Liam’s criticism of her perpetual tardiness as a sign that they’re not meant to be together. Realistic expectations, by contrast, can increase relational satisfaction and improve interpersonal communication (Alexander, 2008). Luisa, for example, has learned that her friend Emily is never going to remember her birthday. It’s not a sign that Emily doesn’t care; she just isn’t good with dates. Instead, Luisa focuses on the kind things that Emily does for her, like sending her funny postcards from her business travel or watching the dogs when Luisa had to leave town for a funeral.