Productive Conflict Spurs Relationship Growth

Differences of opinion and clashing goals are inevitable in any relationship. And that can be part of what keeps our relationships fun and interesting! But how the partners handle the disagreements that arise determines whether their bond will grow stronger. As two individuals—be they romantic partners, friends, roommates, or colleagues—work through their disagreements productively, they build on the relationship (Dainton & Gross, 2008). For example, contestant pairs on the CBS reality series The Amazing Race face many relational challenges as they race around the globe completing obstacles and quests. Contestants may disagree with how their partner approaches a particular situation (like refusing to ask for directions when lost), or they may get frustrated if the partner loses an important document or forgets to ask the all-important taxicab to wait around until the end of a challenge. Yet most contestants manage to end their race without permanently damaging their relationships; many even cite the race as an experience that improved their communication during highly stressful and intense situations. To paraphrase the German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, that which does not kill a relationship can indeed make it stronger.

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