Provocation
ALEC BALDWIN’S quick temper and aggressive behavior have gotten him into scrapes on numerous occasions. Europa Press/Europa Press via Getty Images
Of course, not every conflict arises out of natural differences between individuals’ goals or perceptions. The hard truth is that people can be uncaring or even aggressive at times. Although conflict is indeed a natural part of every relationship, a great many conflicts arise through provocation—the intentional instigation of conflict. A wide range of events can spark intense negative emotions in a relationship (Canary, 2003):
- Aggression. Aggressive behaviors range from verbal intimidation to physical threats. Fear and defensiveness (along with even more aggression) are common responses to such behavior.
- Identity threats. When someone insults you personally, it can threaten your identity. Threats to identity management range from mild insults (“Man, you have a dirty car”) to condescending remarks (“I’ll go slowly so you can keep up”) to attacks on one’s values or religion and racial or ethnic slurs.
- Lack of fairness. When someone uses more than his or her fair share of resources—
in families, workplaces, or living situations, for example— it commonly stirs up negative reactions. - Incompetence. When someone you work with or depend on performs poorly, the person is in a sense provoking conflict. Feelings of anger and resentment occur when a lab partner fails to bring needed supplies or write his or her share of the lab report.
- Relationship threats. When a relationship comes under threat, conflict is likely to arise. If your romantic partner reveals things that suggest he or she has other interests, you feel jealousy, anger, or insecurity. Similarly, a young child may see a new baby sibling as a threat to his relationship with his parents, or you might see a new, talented coworker as a threat to your connection with your boss.