Some people love a good argument. They relish the opportunity to negotiate a new employment contract or debate friends on political issues. Studies show that those who have positive views about conflict spend time imagining conflicts with other people and planning out and rehearsing conflict scenarios in order to achieve positive outcomes and relieve stress (Wallenfelsz & Hample, 2010). Others find conflict uncomfortable and believe it can only lead to hurt feelings or a damaged relationship. This discomfort might lead you to steer clear of conflict entirely or avoid it in situations when you don’t think that you will argue very effectively, you don’t consider the particular disagreement very important, or you don’t believe that the current time or place is appropriate for having an argument.

Some people take their negative views of conflict to the level of a destructive tendency called taking conflict personally (TCP) (Hample & Dallinger, 1995). When we take conflict personally, we feel so threatened by conflict that we interpret most disagreements as personal insults or assault. We may also dwell on negative thoughts and feelings of persecution and, if we cannot avoid conflict altogether, may actually lash out aggressively (Wallenfelsz & Hample, 2010). Our attitudes about conflict, whether we embrace or detest it, have an important effect on how we deal with it.