Let’s consider a common, very simplistic scenario: you are sitting with your sister at the dinner table after a family meal. There’s one last piece of Aunt Corinne’s homemade chocolate peanut butter pie, and you and your sister both want it. Do you give up easily and just let her have it? Yell at her until she gives up (or until Dad takes it for himself)? Or suggest that you split the pie and each take half? We each have different conflict styles, or sets of goals and strategies that we use to manage conflict (Guerrero, Andersen, & Afifi, 2013; Rahim, 1983). Some of us may feel most comfortable with one primary style that we employ in multiple situations, but often it works better when we are able to change our styles to fit the particular situation and parties involved.

In certain types of conflict, such as a competition for a piece of pie, the people involved can resolve the conflict—that is, bring it to an end—in just seconds. But when the conflict is more complex or when a seemingly simple disagreement is a symptom of a larger problem between people, resolving the situation will require more time and thought. If you are resentful of always having to share everything with your sister—your laptop, your PlayStation, the family car, even attention from your parents—your conflict is bigger than a piece of pie. Resolving it may require a more involved approach, such as honest, lengthy dialogue about your resentments and possible ways for each of you to have more things you can call your own. The styles we use for managing conflict, be they simple or complicated, generally fall into one of three basic categories: escapist, competitive, or cooperative (see Table 8.1).