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Power’s Defining Characteristics
Most of us won’t ever experience power wielded as brutally as in The Hunger Games. But power does permeate our everyday lives and is an integral part of interpersonal communication and relationships. Power determines how partners relate to one another, who controls relationship decisions, and whose goals will prevail during conflicts (Dunbar, 2004). Let’s consider power’s defining characteristics, as suggested by scholars William Wilmot and Joyce Hocker (2010).
Power Is Always Present Whether you’re talking on the phone with a parent, texting your best friend, or spending time with your lover, power is present in all your interpersonal encounters and relationships. Power may be balanced (e.g., friend to friend) or imbalanced (e.g., manager to employee, parent to young child). When power is balanced, symmetrical relationships result. When power is imbalanced, complementary relationships are the outcome.
Although power is always present, we’re typically not aware of it until people violate our expectations for power balance in the relationship, such as giving orders or “talking down” to us. Your dorm-floor resident advisor tells you (rather than asks you) to pick him up after class. Your work supervisor grabs inventory you were stocking and says, “No—do it this way!” even though you were doing it properly. According to Dyadic Power Theory (Dunbar, 2004), people with only moderate power are most likely to use controlling communication. Because their power is limited, they can’t always be sure they’re going to get their way. Hence, they feel more of a need to wield power in noticeable ways (Dunbar, 2004). In contrast, people with high power feel little need to display it; they know that their words will be listened to and their wishes granted. This means that you’re most likely to run into controlling communication and power-based bullying when dealing with people who have moderate amounts of power over you, such as mid-level managers, team captains, and class-project group leaders as opposed to people with high power (in such contexts) like vice presidents, coaches, or faculty advisors.
Power Can Be Used Ethically or Unethically Power itself isn’t good or bad—it’s the way people use it that matters. Many happy marriages, family relationships, and long-term friendships are complementary. One person controls more resources and has more decision-making influence than the other. Yet the person in charge uses his or her power only to benefit both people and the relationship. In other relationships, the powerful partner wields his or her power unethically or recklessly. For example, a boss threatens to fire her employee unless he sleeps with her, or an abusive husband tells his unhappy wife that she’ll never see their kids again if she leaves him.
Power Is Granted Power doesn’t reside within people. Instead, it is granted by individuals or groups who allow another person or group to exert influence over them. For example, a friend of mine invited his parents to stay with him and his wife for the weekend. His parents had planned on leaving Monday, but come Monday morning, they announced that they had decided to stay through the end of the week. My friend accepted their decision even though he could have insisted that they leave at the originally agreed-upon time. In doing so, he granted his parents the power to decide their departure date without his input or consent.
Power Influences Conflicts If you strip away the particulars of what’s said and done during most conflicts, you’ll find power struggles underneath. Who has more influence? Who controls the resources, decisions, and feelings involved? People struggle to see whose goals will prevail, and they wield whatever power they have to pursue their own goals. But power struggles rarely lead to mutually beneficial solutions. As we’ll see, the more constructive approach is to set aside your power and work collaboratively to resolve the conflict.