reflectrelate4

MOTIVES FOR INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

In the movie Cast Away (2000), Tom Hanks plays FedEx executive Chuck Noland, who survives a plane crash at sea, only to find himself alone on an uncharted island. Noland must improvise his survival, learning how to obtain food and fresh water, build a shelter, and create fire. But by far his biggest challenge is dealing with his isolation from others. Realizing that he will be presumed dead by all who knew him and likely live out the rest of his days alone on the island, Noland sinks into despair. To emotionally save himself, he creates a friend with whom he can interact: a volleyball named Wilson. Wilson becomes his constant companion, to whom he talks incessantly.

Human beings are fundamentally social creatures, with a powerful need to have interpersonal contact with others. Chuck Noland, stranded alone on an island, carries out one-sided “conversations” with Wilson the volleyball to fulfill his social needs.

Discussion Prompt: Communication Is Irreversible

Ask students to think about what life would be like if we all had a DVR for our daily lives. What if they could hit Pause when needed? What would they record if they couldn’t be present? Would they like to hit Fast Forward or Rewind? Have them consider times when they have thought, “I wish I could take that back” after communicating something they regretted. Then, in pairs or as a class, have them discuss the power of irreversibility.

Since Cast Away’s release more than a decade ago, “Wilson the volleyball” has become iconic. Numerous YouTube videos spoof Noland’s conversations with Wilson; you can buy Wilson T-shirts, tote bags, and coffee mugs; and in 2014 the Myrtle Beach Pelicans—a minor league branch team of the Texas Rangers—tried to lure pro football star Russell Wilson to its baseball roster by creating a Cast Away-style video with “Wilson” as a football. But beneath the satire and silliness lies a deeper truth about our basic nature. We may be able to physically survive without interpersonal communication with others, but we can’t mentally and emotionally endure such isolation. Interpersonal communication isn’t trivial or incidental; it fulfills a profound human need for connection that we all possess. Of course, it helps us achieve more mundane practical goals as well.

Interpersonal Communication and Human Needs Psychologist Abraham Maslow (1970) suggested that we seek to fulfill a hierarchy of needs in our daily lives. When the most basic needs (at the bottom of the hierarchy) are fulfilled, we turn our attention to pursuing higher-level ones. Interpersonal communication allows us to develop and foster the interactions and relationships that help us fulfill all of these needs. At the foundational level are physical needs, such as air, food, water, sleep, and shelter. If we can’t satisfy these needs, we prioritize them over all others. Once physical needs are met, we concern ourselves with safety needs—such as job stability and protection from violence. Then we seek to address social needs: forming satisfying and healthy emotional bonds with others.

Each interpersonal interaction we have shapes our future communication. Before expressing a potentially hurtful thought, consider what outcomes you’re setting in motion.

Next are self-esteem needs, the desire to have others’ respect and admiration. We fulfill these needs by contributing something of value to the world. Finally, we strive to satisfy self-actualization needs by articulating our unique abilities and giving our best in our work, family, and personal life.

Interpersonal Communication and Specific Goals In addition to enabling us to meet fundamental needs, interpersonal communication helps us meet three types of goals (Clark & Delia, 1979). During interpersonal interactions, you may pursue one or a combination of these goals. The first—self-presentation goals—are desires you have to present yourself in certain ways, so that others perceive you as being a particular type of person. For example, you’re conversing with a roommate who’s just been fired. You want him to know that you’re a supportive friend, so you ask what happened, commiserate, and offer to help him find a new job.

Discussion Prompt: Specific Goals of Students

Ask students to consider how they use interpersonal communication to achieve self-presentation, instrumental, and relationship goals. For example, have them reflect on a first date: Did you try to present yourself to your date’s friends or parents in a certain way (presentation)? Did you try to persuade your roommate to borrow his or her car for the date (instrumental)? Did you offer to pay for dinner or the movie or use other romantic gestures to intensify the bond (relationship)?

You also have instrumental goals—practical aims you want to achieve or tasks you want to accomplish through a particular interpersonal encounter. If you want to borrow your best friend’s prized Porsche for the weekend, you might remind her of your solid driving record and your sense of responsibility to persuade her to lend you the car.

Finally, you use interpersonal communication to achieve relationship goals—building, maintaining, or terminating bonds with others. For example, if you succeed in borrowing your friend’s car for the weekend and accidentally drive it into a nearby lake, you will likely apologize profusely and offer to pay for repairs to save your friendship.