100

101

When radio personality and producer Vy Higginsen created the nonprofit Gospel for Teens program, her mission was to teach teens gospel music.¹ Higginsen and a group of volunteer instructors met weekly with kids ages 13 to 19, honing their vocal skills and sharing with them the history of gospel. As Higginsen notes, “The lyrics of gospel songs provide courage, inner strength, and hope for a better life in the future.” But she quickly found that her program wouldn’t only be about introducing gospel to a generation more versed in rap and hip-hop. Instead, Gospel for Teens would become a powerful vehicle for helping teens manage intense and challenging emotions.

Higginsen originally instituted a simple rule governing emotions and program participation: leave the baggage at the door. As she describes, “The teen years are a vulnerable time in kids’ lives, and they are dealing with shyness, anxiety, trauma, and family dysfunction. Many students are uncomfortable about their physical appearance and self-esteem based on the peers around them. Some are overcome with anxiety from their home life, school, and thoughts of their futures.” To keep difficult emotions from hindering performances, Higginsen began each singing session by having participants stand up and shake their hands, arms, legs, and feet, physically purging themselves of emotional constraints. As she instructed, “Any worry, any pain, any problem with your mother, your father, your sister, your brother, the boyfriend, the girlfriend, I want that out now of your consciousness. That’s your baggage; leave the bags outside because this time is for you!”

102

But Higginsen’s “no baggage” policy was abandoned when the cousin of one of her most talented students was shot and killed. Higginsen realized that many program participants had suffered similar tragedies, and that her class could provide a forum within which students could safely share their stories, their pain, and their grief with one another—working together to begin healing. As she describes, “Our teens are living a very adult life—their friends and family are getting murdered, dying from diseases and drugs—and it’s leaving emotional scars on them. They need something uplifting in their lives. So I decided to allow the students to bring their baggage in. I invited the students to share what was happening in their worlds. I wasn’t trying to fix their situations, because I couldn’t, but their being heard was a profound step in their being healed. It made our choir realize we are not alone in our experience. We made a connection—emotionally, personally, and interpersonally.”

Whereas Higginsen once encouraged students to leave their emotions at the door, she now realizes that the experience of singing and sharing the experience of singing with others provides students with a powerful vehicle for managing negative emotions in positive ways. “I would like the teens to take away the idea that we have emotions yet we are not our emotions. We can recover and thrive by changing our mind and rechanneling our energy through music, art, service, acceptance, meditation, and practice. In simple terms, we can rechannel the negative to the positive and use this as an opportunity for excellence. Gospel music has the power to empower and transform. More than anything, I want my students to know that joy, hope, faith, and goodness are possible.”

103

Emotion fills our lives with meaning (Berscheid & Peplau, 2002). To experience emotion is to feel alive, and to lack emotion is to view life itself as colorless and meaningless (Frijda, 2005). Because emotion is so important, we feel compelled to express our emotional experiences to others through communication. And when we share our emotions with others, they transition from private and personal to profoundly interpersonal. It’s at this point that choice becomes relevant. We may not be able to select our emotions before they arise, but we can choose how to handle and convey them after they occur. When we intelligently manage and competently communicate emotional experiences, our relationship satisfaction and overall life happiness increase. When we don’t, our relationships suffer, and these lapses are reflected in relationships and lives torn by anger and sadness.

In this chapter, we examine the most personal and interpersonal of human experiences—emotion. You’ll learn: