After my freshman year at the University of Washington, I dropped out of school and went to work driving for a local trucking company. My boss, Rob, delighted in tormenting me. During my initial hiring interview, I made the mistake of telling him how desperately I needed the job, so he knew from the beginning that he had substantial power over me. Several times a week he would call me into his office to verbally abuse me for his amusement—insulting me and swearing at me and then laughing because he knew I couldn’t do anything about it. Rob would assign me impossible tasks, then punish me when I didn’t complete them “on time.” For example, he’d send me to the docks to unload a 45-foot trailer filled with sofas but wouldn’t let me use a hand truck or forklift. After I’d spent an hour struggling with enormous and weighty boxes, he’d come down and yell at me for “being slow.” He assigned me to a truck that had bad brakes. Once, after parking at a delivery ramp, I came out from signing paperwork to see my truck rolling away down the alley. Like a scene from a bad comedy, I had to run after my truck, desperately trying to catch up to it so I could jump in and stop it with the emergency brake. But Rob’s favorite sport was to threaten to fire me, just to make me beg him for my job (which I did). After six months of daily bullying, I decided that the financial costs of unemployment were preferable to the abuse I was suffering, and I quit.

Maintaining workplace relationships is hard. We must constantly juggle job demands, power issues, and intimacy, all while communicating in ways that are positive and professional (Sias, Heath, Perry, Silva, & Fix, 2004). Yet sometimes even more intense challenges arise. Three of the most common, and difficult to manage, are workplace bullying, the development of romantic relationships with coworkers, and sexual harassment.

WORKPLACE BULLYING

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In the course of your professional lives, many of you will experience situations similar to what I went through with Rob, my trucking boss. Workplace bullying is the repeated unethical and unfavorable treatment of one or more persons by others in the workplace (Boddy, 2011). Bullying occurs in a variety of ways, including shouting, swearing, spreading vicious rumors, destroying the target’s property or work, and excessive criticism. It is also perpetrated through passive means, such as the silent treatment, exclusion from meetings and gatherings, and ignoring of requests (Tracy, Lutgen-Sandvik, & Alberts, 2006). In nearly one-fifth of cases, workplace bullying involves physical violence, including hitting, slapping, and shoving (Martin & LaVan, 2010). When bullying occurs online, it is known as cyberbullying. The most frequently reported forms of workplace cyberbullying are withholding or deleting important information sent via e-mail, and spreading gossip or rumors through text messages, e-mails, and online posts (Privitera & Campbell, 2009). Perpetrators of workplace bullying usually combine several of these tactics to intimidate their victims. The most common forms are detailed in Table A.2 on page A-18.

Workplace bullying has devastating effects on the target’s physical and psychological health. Bullying typically generates feelings of helplessness, anger, and despair. It can even cause health problems, such as sleep disorders, depression, and chronic fatigue (Tracy et al., 2006). The associated costs to companies for workplace bullying are huge: they include disability and workers’ compensation claims, lawsuits, low-quality work, reduced productivity, high staff turnover, increased absenteeism, and deteriorated customer relationships (Tracy et al., 2006).

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Unfortunately, workplace bullying is common: 25–30 percent of U.S. employees are bullied at some point during their work lives—10 percent at any given time (Keashly & Neuman, 2005). In one-third of cases, the bullying occurs despite existence of official antibullying workplace policies (Martin & LaVan, 2010). One reason that bullying is so widespread is that when bullied workers share their stories of abuse with others, they typically aren’t believed (Tracy et al., 2006). The types of abuse that occur are often so outrageous that people simply can’t accept them as true. Adding to this, workplace bullies typically put on an act for their supervisors: behaving in a supportive fashion when they are being watched and being abusive when the boss is not around (Tracy et al., 2006). Workplace bullies can be such good actors that even trial juries believe them. In 73 percent of legal cases in which bullied employees took bullying supervisors to court, juries found in favor of the supervisors (Martin & LaVan, 2010).

How can you cope with workplace bullying? Some people simply quit and find another job (Bies & Tripp, 1998). Of course, this is not an option for everyone, since most people depend on their income, and new job opportunities can be limited. Others give in to the bullying, choosing to ignore it or tough it out because the perceived costs of challenging the abusive supervisor are too high. For example, if you take your complaints to your supervisor’s boss, that person may side with your supervisor—leading to an escalation in the bullying. Another option is to use your interpersonal communication skills and directly confront the bully (Bies & Tripp, 1998). In private, point out which actions you feel are abusive and ask the bully to stop. Some bullies may back off when they are confronted. At least one study of workplace bullying found that, although the most frequently reported strategy for dealing with workplace bullies was avoiding or ignoring them, respondents who confronted their abusers saw improvements in their subsequent interactions (Keashly, Trott, & MacLean, 1994).

WORKPLACE ROMANCES

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A second challenge to workplace relationships is the development of romantic feelings for coworkers. The workplace is a natural venue for romantic attraction to unfold, as many of the elements that foster attraction are present: a wide variety of attractive and available partners, large amounts of time spent together, physical proximity, and similarity in interests and attitudes (Appelbaum, Marinescu, Klenin, & Bytautas, 2007). Over 80 percent of North American employees have experienced a romantic relationship at work (Schaefer & Tudor, 2001), and 10 million new workplace romances are forged each year (Pierce & Aguinis, 2009), usually among peers.

Historically, companies have discouraged workplace romances, believing that they lead to favoritism, lack of worker motivation, decreased efficiency and productivity, and increased risk of sexual harassment lawsuits (Appelbaum et al., 2007). But many workplaces have begun to shift their views and policies, as research supports that romantic involvement does not hurt worker productivity (Boyd, 2010). From the worker’s perspective, workplace romance is typically viewed positively. Romantically involved workers are usually perceived by people in their organization as friendly and approachable (Hovick, Meyers, & Timmerman, 2003), and having romances in the workplace is seen as creating a positive work climate (Riach & Wilson, 2007). Relationship outcomes are often positive, too: married couples who work in the same location have a 50 percent lower divorce rate than those employed at different workplaces (Boyd, 2010).

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Despite these positives, workplace romances face challenges. Involvement in a romance can create the perception among coworkers that the partners are more interested in each other than in their work, leading to rumors and gossip (Albrecht & Bach, 1997). As a consequence, you can’t cultivate a workplace romance without expecting the relationship to become a focus of workplace gossip.

The negative outcomes associated with workplace romances are more pronounced for women than for men. Women are more likely than men to suffer unfavorable work evaluations based on romantic involvement, are judged more negatively by their colleagues following workplace romance breakups, and are more likely to be terminated by their companies for workplace affairs (Riach & Wilson, 2007). When such relationships are mixed status—in particular, if a woman is under the direct supervision of a man—others in the organization often conclude that the woman used the relationship to enhance her career. In contrast, men in workplace romances often win their coworkers’ admiration (Dillard, 1987).

How can you successfully overcome the challenge of maintaining a workplace romance should you become involved in one? First, leave your love at home, so to speak, and communicate with your partner in a strictly professional fashion during work hours. When romantic partners maintain a professional demeanor toward each other and communicate with all their coworkers in a consistent and positive fashion, the romance is usually ignored or even encouraged (Buzzanell, 1990).

Second, use e-mail, text messages, Facebook, and instant-messaging judiciously to maintain your relationship. When used properly, these technologies enable romantic partners to communicate frequently and in a way that maintains professional decorum (Hovick et al., 2003). However, electronic messages exchanged in the workplace should never contain overly intimate or controversial messages. Although many workers use their business accounts for personal reasons, it is wise to write messages that comply with official policies, no matter who the recipient is. Electronic messages are not secure. Anyone with the motivation and know-how can gain access to the messages you and your partner exchange. And, as noted earlier in the chapter, if the message was produced during work time, your company has a legal right to access it.

SEXUAL HARASSMENT

Sometimes sexual or romantic interest in the workplace is one sided. Although most people are willing to abandon their attraction once they realize it’s unrequited, some exploit their organizational power to pursue it. In some instances, sexual pursuit is merely a vehicle for abusively wielding power over others in the workplace. Consider the case of Leigh-Anne Goins, who took a job as an office manager before pursuing her dream of earning a graduate degree. Her job quickly became a nightmare, as she describes:²

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Many people think the problem of sexual harassment in the workplace has been solved. It hasn’t. In 2011, 11,364 charges of sexual harassment were made. (U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, 2011). These charges represent only a small portion of actual instances, since the majority of sexual harassment incidents go unreported.

Although most people condemn sexual harassment in the workplace, enormous differences exist in perceptions of what constitutes harassment. The most commonly cited definition of sexual harassment is one created by the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (1980):

This definition suggests that two types of harassment occur in the workplace. The first is quid pro quo harassment—a person in a supervisory position asking for or demanding sexual favors in return for professional advancement or protection from layoffs or other undesirable events (Gerdes, 1999). Much more prevalent than quid pro quo harassment, however, is hostile climate harassment (Tyner & Clinton, 2010). As Leigh-Anne Goins experienced, hostile climate harassment is sexual behavior intended to disrupt a person’s work performance.

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Sexual harassment has a devastating effect. Victims of sexual harassment report feeling angry, afraid, and depressed (Cochran, Frazier, & Olson, 1997). Harassment victims are more likely than others to develop substance abuse and other health problems, including weight loss and sleep and stomach disorders (Clair, 1998). Not surprisingly, they also suffer a host of professional problems, including missed work, lower productivity, and ostracism by coworkers who blame them for inviting the harassment (Hickson, Grierson, & Linder, 1991).

The most common way of coping with sexual harassment is to avoid the harasser, ignore the harassment, or interpret the harassment in ways that minimize its seriousness—“It’s not a big enough deal to pursue,” “He was only flirting,” “That’s just the way things work here,” or “It was all a harmless joke” (Clair, 1993). Some workers confront the harasser, describing his or her actions as inappropriate or threatening or pursuing legal action. Confronting harassers is strongly encouraged as a matter of principle, but the practical consequences can be difficult to manage. In sexual harassment cases, people in the organization often side with the person in the position of authority (Fitzgerald, 1993).

If you are experiencing sexual harassment, remember that fewer than 5 percent of sexual harassment victims report the problem to an authority (Fitzgerald, 1993). The decision not to report will likely perpetuate the harassment because it can teach harassers that their behavior is OK. The best long-term solution for addressing sexual harassment is to challenge it when it occurs and believe that the harassers deserve to be punished. If you’re not sure what to do, contact the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. Go to www.eeoc.gov for detailed information on how to handle such situations, or call 1-800-669-4000 or the TTY phone number for those who are deaf or hard of hearing: 1-800-669-6820.