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The award-winning 2014 film Boyhood follows the development of its central character, Mason, across 12 years of actual, real-world time (the movie was filmed with the same actors over more than a decade). As time passes within the story line, Mason’s family structure changes again and again, as Mason’s mother marries, gets divorced, remarries, and gets divorced. Mason’s first stepfather is authoritarian, abusive, and not at all interested in discussion. He expects everyone to share his viewpoint and enforces it by telling Mason’s mother to “back me up!” In contrast, Mason’s biological father, Mason Sr., who stays in touch with his kids across the years, emphasizes open communication and diverse opinions. In one scene, Mason Sr. is out driving with Mason and his sister, but when the kids aren’t sharing openly enough, Mason Sr. pulls the car to the curb and confronts them:

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Like the families depicted in Boyhood, our own families’ communication is guided by shared beliefs about how families should converse. These beliefs, and the resulting interpersonal communication, are known as family communication patterns (Koerner & Fitzpatrick, 2002). Family communication patterns evolve from two communication dimensions, which we’ll discuss next.

COMMUNICATION DIMENSIONS

According to Family Communication Patterns Theory (Koerner & Fitzpatrick, 2006), two dimensions underlie the communication between family members. The first is conversation orientation, the degree to which family members are encouraged to participate in unrestrained interaction about a wide array of topics. Families with a high conversation orientation are like Mason’s biological father: they believe that open and frequent communication is essential to an enjoyable and rewarding family life. Consequently, they interact often, freely, and spontaneously, without many limitations placed on time spent together and topics discussed.

In contrast, families with a low conversation orientation are like Mason’s stepfather: they view interpersonal communication as something irrelevant and unnecessary for a satisfying, successful family life. Such families interact only infrequently and limit their conversations to a few select topics—weather, daily activities, current events, and the like. Disclosure of intimate thoughts and feelings between family members is discouraged, as is debate of attitudes and perspectives.

The second dimension is conformity orientation, the degree to which families believe that communication should emphasize similarity or diversity in attitudes, beliefs, and values. Like Mason’s stepfather, high conformity families use their interactions to highlight and enforce uniformity of thought. Such families are sometimes perceived as more “traditional” because children are expected to obey parents and other elders, who (in turn) are counted on to make family decisions. Members of these families tend to prioritize family relationships over outside connections, such as friendships and romantic involvements. Moreover, they are expected to sacrifice their personal goals for the sake of the family.

Low conformity families, akin to Mason’s biological father, communicate in ways that emphasize diversity in attitudes, beliefs, and values, and that encourage uniqueness, individuality, and independence. These families typically view outside relationships as equally important to those within the family, and they prioritize individual over family interests and goals. In low conformity families, children contribute to family decision making, and members view the family as a vehicle for individual growth rather than a collective in which members must sacrifice their own interests for the good of the whole.

FAMILY COMMUNICATION PATTERNS

According to communication scholars Ascan Koerner and Mary Anne Fitzpatrick (2006), conversation and conformity dimensions give rise to four possible family communication patterns: consensual, pluralistic, protective, and laissez-faire.

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Consensual Families Families high in both conversation and conformity are consensual families. In such families, members are encouraged to openly share their views with one another as well as debate those beliefs. Consensual family communication is marked by high disclosure; attentive listening; and frequent expressions of caring, concern, and support toward one another (Rueter & Koerner, 2008). At the same time, consensual family members are expected to steadfastly share a single viewpoint. Parents in such households typically exert strong control over the attitudes, behaviors, and interactions of their children (Rueter & Koerner, 2008). For example, parents may encourage their children to share their thoughts and feelings about important issues (“What do you think we should do?”), but then make clear that only one perspective (the parents’) is acceptable. Because of their emphasis on conformity, consensual families perceive conflict as intensely threatening. Consequently, they address conflicts as they occur and seek to resolve them as constructively as possible to preserve family unity.

Pluralistic Families Families high in conversation but low in conformity are pluralistic families. They communicate in open and unconstrained ways, discussing a broad range of topics and exploring them in depth. Pluralistic families enjoy debating the issues of the day, and judge one another’s arguments on their merit rather than on whether they mesh with other members’ attitudes. People in pluralistic families typically don’t try to control other family members’ beliefs or attitudes (Rueter & Koerner, 2008). Since parents don’t feel compelled to wield power over their children, children’s contributions to family discussions and decision making are treated as relevant and equally valid. For example, parents in a pluralistic family might ask for their children’s opinions regarding a job opportunity (“Should Mom accept the offer from TelCo?”) or a family vacation (“Where should we go this year?”). Pluralistic families deal directly with conflict, seeking to resolve disputes in productive, mutually beneficial ways. They may, for instance, establish “official” times (such as mealtimes or family meetings) when members can vent their concerns and work collaboratively to settle them. For this reason, pluralistic family members report the highest rates of conflict resolution of any of the four family types.

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Protective Families Protective families are low on conversation and high on conformity. Communication in these families functions to maintain obedience and enforce family norms, and little value is placed on the exchange of ideas or the development of communication skills. Parent-child power differences are firmly enforced, and children are expected to quietly obey. Sayings such as “Children should be seen and not heard” and “Children should speak when spoken to” reflect this mind-set. Parents invest little effort in creating opportunities for family discussion, and the result is low levels of disclosure among family members (Rueter & Koerner, 2008). Protective families avoid conflict because it threatens the conformity they value and because they often lack the skills necessary to manage conflicts constructively. Members may tell each other “Don’t make waves” or “You don’t want to cause trouble.”

Laissez-Faire Families Families low in both conversation and conformity are laissez-faire families. Few emotional bonds exist between their members, resulting in low levels of caring, concern, and support expressed within the family (Rueter & Koerner, 2008). Their detachment shows itself in a lack of interaction and a decided disinterest in activities that might foster communication or maintenance of the family as a unit. Similar to parents in pluralistic families, laissez-faire parents believe that children should be independent thinkers and decision makers. But this belief derives from their disinterest in their children’s thoughts and decisions. Such parents tend to leave it up to their children to form their own opinions regarding sexual behavior, drug and alcohol use, and educational achievement. Because members of such families interact infrequently, they rarely get embroiled in conflict. If a disagreement does erupt, they either avoid it or (if they feel strongly invested in the issues at stake) compete to “win” the debate.