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GLOSSARY
accommodation: A way of handling conflict in which one person abandons his or her goals for the goals of another. For example, Louis gives in to Martel over where they should park their cars: “You can have the driveway. I’m tired of arguing about it.”
action-oriented listeners: Those who prefer to receive brief, to-the-point, accurate information for decision making or for initiating a course of action. For example, a supervisor who requires brief summaries from department heads and does not want to bat around details in long meetings.
actor-observer effect: A tendency to credit external forces as causes for our behaviors instead of internal factors. For instance, Leon says he snapped at a coworker because she was slow instead of blaming his own impatience.
adaptors: Touching gestures, often unconsciously made, that serve a physical or psychological purpose. For example, twirling hair while reading, jingling pocket change, and fingering jewelry may be gestures that provide comfort, signal anxiety, or are simply unconscious habits.
advocacy: Communication from a subordinate intended to influence a superior in an organization. For example, you convince your manager to try a new product line.
affect displays: Intentional or unintentional nonverbal behaviors that reveal actual or feigned emotions, such as a frown, a choked sob, or a smile intended to disguise fear.
agentic friendships: Friendships in which the parties are primarily focused on helping each other achieve practical goals, such as those among peers in a study group or colleagues at work.
aggressive-hostile touch: A touch designed to hurt and humiliate others, involving forms of physical violence like grabbing, slapping, and hitting.
aggressive listening: Listening in order to find an opportunity to attack or collect information to use against the speaker, such as when a father encourages his son to describe his ambitions just to ridicule the son’s goals. (Also known as ambushing.)
algebraic impressions: Impressions of others that continually change as we add and subtract positive or negative information that we learn about them.
anger: The negative primary emotion that occurs when you are blocked or interrupted from attaining an important goal by what you see as the improper action of an external agent.
appropriateness: A measure of communication competence that indicates the degree to which your communication matches the situational, relational, and cultural expectations regarding how people should communicate.
artifacts: Things we possess that influence how we see ourselves and that we use to express our identity to others. Jewelry, for instance, can indicate economic means, marital status, religious affiliation, style preferences, and taste.
assimilation: Attempting to be accepted into the dominant culture.
attending: The second stage of the listening process in which a listener devotes attention to received information. For example, you may hear a radio but attend only when a favorite song comes on.
attention focus: Preventing unwanted emotions by intentionally devoting your attention only to aspects of an event or encounter that you know will not provoke those emotions. For example, you disregard your uncle’s snide comments while forcing all your interest on your aunt’s conversation.
attributional complexity: Acknowledging that other people’s behaviors have complex causes that may reflect cultural differences.
attributions: Rationales we create to explain the comments or behaviors of others. For example, Ryan reasons that Jason’s quietness in class means that Jason is shy.
avoidance: A way of handling conflict by ignoring it, pretending it isn’t really happening, or communicating indirectly about the situation. For example, Martel hides behind the newspaper as Louis shouts, “Your car is blocking mine again. How many times do I have to ask you to park it to the side?” See also skirting; sniping.
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avoiding: A relational stage in which one or both individuals in a couple try to distance themselves from each other physically. For example, Owen changes jobs to have an excuse to travel away from home frequently.
back-channel cues: Nonverbal and verbal responses that signal you’ve paid attention to and understood specific comments—for example, saying “Okay, got it” after someone details extensive driving directions, or nodding in agreement.
beautiful-is-good effect: A tendency for physical attractiveness to create the perception of competency and intelligence. For example, a witness is viewed favorably and seems credible because she is good-looking.
birds-of-a-feather effect: A tendency to be attracted to others if we perceive them as similar to ourselves.
blended emotions: Two or more primary emotions experienced at the same time. For instance, Melinda feels fear and anger when her daughter is not home by curfew.
bonding: A relational stage in which an official public ritual unites two people by the laws or customs of their culture. For example, Ruth marries Owen in her hometown church.
catharsis: Within the field of interpersonal communication, the assumption that openly expressing emotions enables you to purge them.
channel: The sensory dimension (sound, sight, touch, scent, or taste) used to transmit information during communication. For example, you may apologize by showing someone a sad facial expression, lightly touching his shoulder, and saying “I’m so sorry.”
chilling effect: An outcome of physical violence in which individuals stop discussing relationship issues out of fear of their partner’s negative reactions.
chronic hostility: A persistent state of simmering or barely suppressed anger and near-constant state of arousal and negative thinking.
circumscribing: A relational stage in which partners avoid talking about topics that produce conflict. For instance, whenever Owen mentions he’s interested in moving, Ruth becomes upset and changes the subject.
Co-cultural Communication Theory: A theory that the people who have more power within a society determine the dominant culture.
co-cultures: Members of a society who don’t conform to the dominant culture in terms of language, lifestyle, or even physical appearance.
cohabiting couples: Two unmarried adults who are involved romantically and live together with or without children.
collaboration: A way of handling conflict by treating it as a mutual problem-solving challenge. For example, Martel and Louis brainstorm ways to solve the problem they have with their shared parking area until they come up with an agreeable solution.
collectivistic cultures: Cultures that emphasize group identity, interpersonal harmony, and the well-being of ingroups. Collectivist cultures also value the importance of belonging to groups that look after members in exchange for loyalty. Contrast individualistic cultures.
commitment: A strong psychological attachment to a partner and an intention to continue the relationship long into the future.
communal friendships: Voluntary relationships focused on sharing time and activities together.
communication: The process through which people use messages to generate meanings within and across contexts, cultures, channels, and media.
communication accommodation theory: The idea that people are especially motivated to adapt their language when they seek social approval, wish to establish relationships with others, and view others’ language use as appropriate.
communication apprehension: The fear or anxiety associated with interaction that keeps someone from being able to communicate cooperatively.
communication plans: Mental maps that describe exactly how communication encounters will unfold. For example, before calling to complain about her telephone bill, Marjorie mentally rehearses how she will explain her problem and what objections she might face.
Communication Privacy Management Theory: The idea that individuals create informational boundaries by choosing carefully the kind of private information they reveal and the people with whom they share it.
communication skills: Repeatable goal-directed behaviors and behavioral patterns that enable you to improve the quality of your interpersonal encounters and relationships. See also appropriateness; interpersonal communication competence.
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companionate love: An intense form of liking defined by emotional investment and deeply intertwined lives.
competition: A way of handling conflict by an open and clear discussion of the goal clash that exists and the pursuit of one’s own goals without regard for others’ goals. For example, Martel and Louis yell back and forth about whose car should have the driveway parking spot and whose should be parked out front.
complementary relationships: Relationships characterized by an unequal balance of power, such as a marriage in which one spouse is the decision maker.
compromise: When, during a conflict, both parties change their goals to make them compatible. For example, though Matt wants to see the sci-fi thriller and Jane wants to see the new animated film, they agree to go to an adventure comedy.
conflict: The process that occurs when people perceive that they have incompatible goals or that someone is interfering in their ability to achieve their objectives.
conformity orientation: The degree to which family members believe communication should emphasize similarity or diversity in attitudes, beliefs, and values.
connotative meaning: Understanding of a word’s meaning based on the situation and the shared knowledge between communication partners (i.e., not the dictionary definition). For instance, calling someone slender suggests something more positive than the word skinny or scrawny does, though all three words mean “underweight.” Contrast denotative meaning.
consensual families: Families characterized by high levels of conformity and conversation orientation. For example, Dan’s parents encourage their son to be open but also expect him to maintain family unity through agreement or obedience.
constitutive rules: Guidelines that define word meaning according to a particular language’s vocabulary. For instance, “pencil” is Bleistift in German and matita in Italian.
content-oriented listeners: Those who prefer to be intellectually challenged by messages—they prefer complex, detailed information. For example, a supervisor reviews the success of a fundraising event by requesting data analyzing the effectiveness of her team’s publicity campaign instead of asking to hear about team members’ experiences.
contexts: Situations in which communication occurs. Context includes the physical locations, backgrounds, genders, ages, moods, and relationships of the communicators, as well as the time of day.
conversation orientation: The degree to which family members are encouraged to participate in unrestrained interaction about a wide array of topics.
Cooperative Principle: The idea that we should make our verbal messages as informative, honest, relevant, and clear as is required, given what the situation requires. For example, listening closely to your friend’s problem with a coworker and then responding with support would demonstrate the Cooperative Principle; interrupting your friend to brag about your new laptop would not.
cooperative verbal communication: Producing messages that are understandable, taking active ownership for what you’re saying by using “I” language, and making others feel included.
cross-category friendships: Voluntary relationships that cross demographic lines.
culture: The established, coherent set of beliefs, attitudes, values, and practices shared by a large group of people.
cumulative annoyance: A buildup of repressed irritations that grows as the mental list of grievances we have against our partner grows. For example, Martel’s anger about where Louis parks his car is a reaction to several other incidents in which Louis was inconsiderate.
cyberslacking: Using work computers for personal interests and activities, such as playing games, surfing the Internet, updating Facebook, sending e-mail, or instant-messaging, instead of focusing on work tasks.
deactivation: Preventing unwanted emotions by systematically desensitizing yourself to emotional experience. For example, Josh insulates himself with numbness after his wife’s death.
deception: Deliberately using uninformative, untruthful, irrelevant, or vague language for the purpose of misleading others.
defensive climate: A workplace atmosphere that is unfriendly, rigid, or unsupportive of workers’ professional and personal needs. Contrast supportive climate.
defensive communication: Impolite messages delivered in response to suggestions, criticism, or perceived slights. For instance, when Stacy asks Lena to slow down her driving, Lena snaps back, “I’m not going that fast. If you don’t like the way I drive, ride with someone else.”
G-4
demand-withdraw pattern: A way of handling conflict in which one partner in a relationship demands that his or her goals be met, and the other partner responds by withdrawing from the encounter.
denotative meaning: The literal, or dictionary, definition of a word. Contrast connotative meaning.
dialects: Variations on language rules shared by large groups or particular regions; this may include differences in vocabulary, grammar, and pronunciation. For example, in various regions of the United States, carbonated beverages are called soda, pop, or Coke.
differentiating: A relational stage in which the beliefs, attitudes, and values that distinguish you from your partner come to dominate your thoughts and communication. For example, Ruth and Owen argue over whose family they are going to visit for Thanksgiving and how much time each has spent fixing up the house.
dirty secrets: Truthful but destructive messages used deliberately to hurt someone during a conflict. For example, Judith tells her sister, “That boy you like—Craig? I heard him tell Elaine you laugh like a horse.”
dismissive attachment: An attachment style in which individuals have low anxiety but high avoidance: they view close relationships as comparatively unimportant, instead prizing self-reliance.
display rules: Cultural norms about how people should and should not express emotion—that is, guidelines for when, where, and how to manage emotion displays appropriately. This includes specific aspects of nonverbal communication—how broadly you should smile, the appropriateness of shouting for joy in public, and so on.
dominance: The interpersonal behaviors we use to exert power or influence over others. Dominance may occur through nonverbal behavior, as in crowding threateningly into a person’s intimate zone, staring someone down, or keeping another person waiting.
domination: When one person gets his or her way in a conflict by influencing the other to engage in accommodation and abandon goals. For example, Jane wants to see the new animated film, but Matt refuses by saying that it is either his choice or no movie at all.
downward communication: Messages from a superior to subordinates. For example, the CEO of a company calls the regional managers together for a strategy session. Contrast upward communication.
dyadic: Communication involving only two people.
Dyadic Power Theory: The idea that people with only moderate power are most likely to use controlling communication.
eavesdropping: Intentionally listening in on private conversations.
effectiveness: The ability to use communication to accomplish interpersonal goals.
embarrassment: A feeling of shame, humiliation, and sadness that comes from losing face.
emblems: Gestures that symbolize a specific verbal meaning within a given culture, such as the “thumbs up” or the “V for victory” sign.
emotion: An intense reaction to an event that involves interpreting the meaning of the event, becoming physiologically aroused, labeling the experience as emotional, attempting to manage your reaction, and communicating this reaction in the form of emotional displays and disclosures.
emotional contagion: The rapid spreading of emotion from person to person, such as anger running through a mob.
emotional intelligence: The ability to accurately interpret your and others’ emotions and use this information to manage emotions, communicate them competently, and solve relationship problems.
emotion management: Attempts to influence which emotions you have, when you have them, and how you experience and express them.
emotion-sharing: Disclosing your emotions to others.
empathy: Understanding of another person’s perspective and awareness of his or her feelings in an attempt to identify with them. For instance, Gill doesn’t agree with Mike’s protest against the new policies at work, but he can see why Mike is worried and angry.
empathy mind-set: Beliefs about whether empathy is something that can be developed and controlled.
encounter avoidance: Preventing unwanted emotions by keeping away from people, places, and activities likely to provoke them. For example, Jessica infuriates Roxanne, so Roxanne moves out of their shared apartment.
G-5
encounter structuring: Preventing unwanted emotions by intentionally avoiding discussion of difficult topics in encounters with others. For instance, Natalie and Julie avoid talking about living expenses because Natalie is jealous of Julie’s income.
environment: A nonverbal code that represents the physical features of our surroundings.
equity: The balance of benefits and costs exchanged by you and the other person that determines whether a romantic relationship will take root (after attraction is established).
escalation: A dramatic rise in emotional intensity and increasingly negative communication during conflict, such as teasing that inflates to a heated exchange of insults.
ethics: The set of moral principles that guide our behavior toward others. Ethical communication consistently displays respect, kindness, and compassion.
ethnocentrism: The belief that your own culture’s beliefs, attitudes, values, and practices are superior to those of all other cultures. For example, Americans, accustomed to lining up, who consider cultures that don’t use waiting lines to be disorganized are displaying ethnocentrism. Contrast world-mindedness.
experimenting: A relational stage in which two people become acquainted by sharing factual or demographic information about themselves and making light conversation or small talk. For instance, after Ruth is introduced to Owen, they talk about their jobs and where they went to school, and they discover they both like jazz.
expertise currency: Power that comes from possessing specialized skills or knowledge, such as being able to use CPR if someone stops breathing.
extended family: A family type consisting of a group of people who are related to one another—such as aunts, uncles, cousins, or grandparents—and who live in the same household.
face: The self we allow others to see and know; the aspects of ourselves we choose to present publicly. For instance, you dress up and speak carefully for an important social occasion, though in private you’re very casual.
family: A network of people who share their lives over long periods of time and are bound by marriage, blood, or commitment; who consider themselves as family; and who share a significant history and anticipated future of functioning in a family relationship.
Family Communication Patterns Theory: The idea that two dimensions—conformity orientation and conversation orientation—underlie the communication between family members. See also conformity orientation; conversation orientation.
family privacy rules: The conditions governing what family members can talk about, how they can discuss such topics, and who should have access to family-relevant information.
family stories: Narratives of family events retold to bond family members. For example, Katie’s mother often recounts how Katie was born on the day of a crippling blizzard.
fearful attachment: An attachment style in which individuals are high in both attachment anxiety and avoidance: they fear rejection and thus shun relationships, preferring to avoid the pain they believe is an inevitable part of intimacy.
feedback: Verbal and nonverbal messages that receivers use to indicate their reaction to communication, such as a frown or saying, “I disagree.” See also interactive communication model.
feelings: Short-term emotional reactions to events that generate only limited arousal, such as the fleeting nostalgia you experience hearing a familiar song.
feminine cultural values: Values that emphasize compassion and cooperation—on caring for the weak and underprivileged and boosting the quality of life for all people.
fields of experience: Beliefs, attitudes, values, and experiences that each communicator brings to an interaction.
friendship: A voluntary relationship characterized by intimacy and liking.
friendship rules: General principles for appropriate communication and behavior within friendships, such as keeping a confidence and showing support.
friendship-warmth touch: A touch used to express liking for another person, such as an arm across another’s shoulders, a victory slap between teammates, or playful jostling between friends.
functional-professional touch: A touch used to accomplish a task, such as a physical therapist positioning a client’s arm or a dancer gripping his partner’s waist for a lift.
fundamental attribution error: The tendency to attribute someone’s behavior solely to his or her personality rather than to outside forces.
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FWB relationships: Friendships negotiated to include sexual activity but not with the purpose of transforming the relationship into a romantic attachment.
gender: The composite of social, psychological, and cultural attributes that characterize us as male or female.
Gestalt: A general sense of a person that’s either positive or negative. See also halo effect; horn effect.
grief: Intense sadness that follows a substantial loss (such as the death of a loved one).
halo effect: A tendency to interpret anything another person says or does in a favorable light because you have a positive Gestalt of that person.
haptics: A nonverbal code that represents messages conveyed through touch. See also friendship-warmth touch; functional-professional touch; love-intimacy touch; sexual-arousal touch; social-polite touch.
hearing: The sensory process of taking in and interpreting sound.
high-context cultures: Cultures that presume listeners share their viewpoints. People in such cultures talk indirectly, using hints to convey meaning. Vague, ambiguous language—and even silence—is often used, the presumption being that because individuals share the same contextual view, they automatically know what another person is trying to say. Contrast low-context cultures.
honesty: Truthful communication, without exaggeration or omission of relevant information. Failing to tell someone something can be as dishonest as an outright lie.
horn effect: A tendency to interpret anything another person says or does in a negative light because you have a negative Gestalt of that person.
identity support: Behaving in ways that convey understanding, acceptance, and support for a friend’s valued social identities.
I-It: A type of perception and communication that occurs when you treat others as though they are objects that are there for your use and exploitation—for example, when you dismiss someone by saying, “I don’t have time for your stupid questions. Figure it out yourself.”
“I” language: Communication that uses the pronoun I in sentence construction to emphasize ownership of one’s feelings, opinions, and beliefs—for example, “I’m frustrated because I think I’m doing more than you are on this project” instead of “You’re really underperforming on this project.” See also “we” language; “you” language.
illustrators: Gestures used to accent or illustrate a verbal message. For example, a fisherman holds his hands apart to show the size of his catch, or someone points emphatically at a door while saying, “Leave!”
immediacy: As expressed in your posture, the degree to which you find someone interesting and attractive.
impersonal communication: Messages that have negligible perceived impact on your thoughts, emotions, behaviors, or relationships, such as commenting about the television schedule or passing someone and saying, “How’s it going?” without looking up.
implicit personality theories: Personal beliefs about different types of personalities and the ways in which traits cluster together. For instance, Bradley assumes that Will is a disorganized procrastinator because of Will’s casual, friendly manner.
individualistic cultures: Cultures that value independence and personal achievement; individual goals over group or societal goals. Contrast collectivistic cultures.
ingroupers: People you consider fundamentally similar to yourself because of their interests, affiliations, or backgrounds. Contrast outgroupers.
initiating: A relational stage in which two people meet and form their first impressions of each other. For instance, Owen introduces himself in an e-mail to Ruth after reading her profile on an online dating site, and she responds with her telephone number.
instrumental goals: Practical aims you want to achieve or tasks you want to accomplish through a particular interpersonal encounter.
integrating: A relational stage in which two people become a couple and begin to share an identity. For example, Ruth and Owen share an apartment together and spend time with each other’s families.
integrative agreements: When, during a conflict, the two sides preserve and attain their goals by developing a creative solution to their problem. For example, because Matt and Jane can’t agree on what film to see, they decide they’d both be happier going to a comedy club.
intensifying: A relational stage characterized by deeper self-disclosures, stronger attraction, and intimate communication. For example, Owen and Ruth have been dating for more than a year and talk with excitement about a future together.
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interaction: A series of messages exchanged between people, whether face-to-face or online.
interactive communication model: A depiction of communication messages that are exchanged back and forth between a sender and a receiver and are influenced by feedback and the fields of experience of both communicators.
intercultural competence: The ability to communicate appropriately, effectively, and ethically with people from diverse backgrounds.
interparental conflict: Overt, hostile interactions between parents in a household.
interpersonal communication: A dynamic form of communication between two (or more) people in which the messages exchanged significantly influence their thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and relationships.
interpersonal communication competence: The ability to communicate consistently in appropriate, effective, and ethical ways.
interpersonal impressions: Ideas about who people are and how we feel about them. For instance, when Sarah and Georgia met, Georgia thought Sarah was unfriendly and conceited because she didn’t say much.
interpersonal process model of intimacy: The idea that the closeness we feel toward others in our relationships is created through two things: self-disclosure and responsiveness of listeners to such disclosure.
interpretation: The stage of perception in which we assign meaning to the information we have selected. For instance, Randy thinks a man running down the sidewalk hurries because he is late, but Shondra infers that the man is chasing someone.
intimacy: A feeling of closeness and “union” that exists between us and our relationship partners.
intimacy currency: Power that comes from sharing a close bond with someone that no one else shares. For example, you can easily persuade a close friend to change her mind because she is fond of you.
intimate space: The narrowest proxemic zone—0 to 18 inches of space—between communicators.
intrapersonal communication: Communication involving only one person, such as talking to yourself.
I-Thou: A way to perceive a relationship based on embracing fundamental similarities that connect you to others, striving to see things from others’ points of view, and communicating in ways that emphasize honesty and kindness.
jealousy: A protective reaction to a perceived threat to a valued relationship. For instance, Tyler is jealous when his girlfriend, Mary, flirts with Scott.
Jefferson strategy: A strategy to manage anger that involves counting slowly to 10 before responding to someone who says or does something that makes you angry. (The strategy was named after the third president of the United States.)
kinesics: A nonverbal code that represents messages communicated in visible body movements, such as facial expressions, body postures, gestures, and eye contact.
kitchen-sinking: A response to a conflict in which combatants hurl insults and accusations at each other that have very little to do with the original disagreement. For example, although Mary and Pat are arguing about the budget, Mary adds, “I’m sick of the mess you left in the garage and these papers all over the family room.”
laissez-faire families: Families characterized by low levels of conformity and conversation orientation. For example, Samantha’s parents prefer limited communication and encourage their daughter to make her own choices and decisions.
liking: A feeling of affection and respect typical of friendship.
linear communication model: A depiction of communication messages that flow in one direction from a starting point to an end point.
linguistic determinism: The view that the language we use defines the boundaries of our thinking.
linguistic relativity: The theory that languages create variations in the ways cultures perceive and think about the world.
listening: The five-stage process of receiving, attending to, understanding, responding to, and recalling sounds and visual images during interpersonal encounters.
listening functions: The five general purposes that listening serves: to comprehend, to discern, to analyze, to appreciate, and to support.
listening styles: Habitual patterns of listening behaviors, which reflect one’s attitudes, beliefs, and predispositions about listening. See also action-oriented listeners; content-oriented listeners; people-oriented listeners; time-oriented listeners.
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long-term memory: The part of your mind devoted to permanent information storage.
looking-glass self: Sociologist Charles Horton Cooley’s idea that we define our self-concepts through thinking about how others see us. For example, a young girl who believes that others consider her poor in sports formulates an image of herself as uncoordinated even though she is a good dancer.
love-intimacy touch: A touch indicating deep emotional feeling, such as two romantic partners holding hands or two close friends embracing.
loving: An intense emotional commitment based on intimacy, caring, and attachment.
low-context cultures: Cultures in which people tend not to presume that others share their beliefs, attitudes, and values. They strive to be informative, clear, and direct in their communication. In such cultures, people make important information obvious, rather than hinting or implying. Contrast high-context cultures.
masculine cultural values: Values that include the accumulation of material wealth as an indicator of success, assertiveness, and personal achievement.
mask: The public self designed to strategically veil your private self—for example, putting on a happy face when you are sad or pretending to be confident while inside you feel shy or anxious.
matching: A tendency to be attracted to others whom we perceive to be at our own level of attractiveness. For example, Michael dates Jennifer because she is pretty but not unapproachably gorgeous.
media: Tools used to exchange messages, including everything from newspapers, blackboards, and photographs to computers, smartphones, and television.
mental bracketing: Systematically putting aside thoughts that aren’t relevant to the interaction at hand if your attention wanders when listening—for example, by consciously dismissing your worries about an upcoming exam in order to focus on a customer’s request at work.
mere exposure effect: A phenomenon in which you feel more attracted to those with whom you have frequent contact and less attracted to those with whom you interact rarely. For example, the more June sees of Tom, the more attracted to him she becomes.
message: The package of information transported during communication.
meta-communication: Verbal or nonverbal communication about communication—that is, messages that have communication as their central focus.
misunderstanding: Confusion resulting from the misperception of another’s thoughts, feelings, or beliefs as expressed in the other individual’s verbal communication.
mixed messages: Verbal and nonverbal behaviors that convey contradictory meanings, such as saying “I’m so happy for you” in a sarcastic tone of voice.
mixed-status relationships: Associations between coworkers at different levels of power and status in an organization, such as a manager and a salesclerk.
mnemonics: Devices that aid memory. For example, the mnemonic Roy G. Biv is commonly used to recall the order of the seven colors in the rainbow.
monochronic time orientation: A view of time as a precious resource that can be saved, spent, wasted, lost, or made up, and that can even run out. Contrast polychronic time orientation.
moods: Low-intensity states of mind that are not caused by particular events and typically last longer than emotions—for example, boredom, contentment, grouchiness, serenity.
naming: Creating linguistic symbols to represent people, objects, places, and ideas.
narcissistic listening: A self-absorbed approach to listening in which the listener redirects the conversation to his or her own interests. For example, Neil acts bored while Jack describes a recent ski trip, interrupting Jack and switching the topic to his own recent car purchase.
negativity effect: A tendency to place emphasis on the negative information we learn about others.
noise: Environmental factors that impede a message on the way to its destination.
nonverbal communication: The intentional or unintentional transmission of meaning through an individual’s nonspoken physical and behavioral cues.
nonverbal communication codes: Different ways to transmit information nonverbally: artifacts, chronemics, environment, haptics, kinesics, physical appearance, proxemics, and vocalics.
nuclear family: A family type consisting of a wife, a husband, and their biological or adopted children.
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online communication: Interaction through communication technology, such as social networking sites, e-mail, text- or instant-messaging, Skype, chatrooms, and even massively multiplayer online video games like World of Warcraft.
organization: The step of perception in which we mentally structure selected sensory data into a coherent pattern.
organizational climate: The overarching emotional quality of a workplace environment. For example, employees might say their organization feels warm, frenetic, unfriendly, or serene.
organizational culture: A distinct set of beliefs about how things should be done and how people should behave.
organizational networks: Communication links among an organization’s members, such as the nature, frequency, and ways information is exchanged. For example, you have weekly face-to-face status meetings with your boss or receive daily reminder e-mails from an assistant.
outgroupers: People you consider fundamentally different from you because of their interests, affiliations, or backgrounds. Contrast ingroupers.
paraphrasing: An active listening response that summarizes or restates others’ comments after they have finished speaking.
parental favoritism: When one or both parents allocate an unfair amount of valuable resources to one child over others.
passion: A blended emotion of joy and surprise coupled with other positive feelings, such as excitement, amazement, and sexual attraction.
passionate love: A state of intense emotional and physical longing for union with another.
people-oriented listeners: Those who view listening as an opportunity to establish commonalities between themselves and others. For example, Carl enjoys Elaine’s descriptions of the triumphs and difficulties she’s had learning to snowboard.
perception: The process of selecting, organizing, and interpreting information from our senses.
perception-checking: A five-step process to test your impressions of others and to avoid errors in judgment. It involves checking your punctuation, knowledge, attributions, perceptual influences, and impressions.
personal currency: Power that comes from personal characteristics that others admire, such as intelligence, physical beauty, charm, communication skill, or humor.
personal idioms: Words and phrases that have unique meanings to a particular relationship, such as pet names or private phrases with special meaning. For example, Uncle Henry was known for his practical jokes; now, years after his death, family members still refer to a practical joke as “pulling a Henry.”
personality: An individual’s characteristic way of thinking, feeling, and acting based on the traits he or she possesses.
personal space: The proxemic zone that ranges from 18 inches to 4 feet of space between communicators. It is the spatial separation most often used in the United States for friendly conversation.
physical appearance: A nonverbal code that represents visual attributes such as body type, clothing, hair, and other physical features.
pluralistic families: Families characterized by low levels of conformity and high levels of conversation orientation. For example, Julie’s parents encourage her to express herself freely, and when conflicts arise, they collaborate with her to resolve them.
polychronic time orientation: A flexible view of time in which harmonious interaction with others is more important than being on time or sticking to a schedule. Contrast monochronic time orientation.
positivity bias: A tendency for first impressions of others to be more positive than negative.
power: The ability to influence or control events and people.
power currency: Control over a resource that other people value. See also expertise currency; intimacy currency; personal currency; resource currency; social network currency.
power distance: The degree to which people in a culture view the unequal distribution of power as acceptable. For example, in some cultures, well-defined class distinctions limit interaction across class lines, but other cultures downplay status and privilege to foster a spirit of equality.
prejudice: When stereotypes effect rigid attitudes toward groups and their members.
preoccupied attachment: An attachment style in which individuals are high in anxiety and low in avoidance; they desire closeness but are plagued with fear of rejection.
G-10
primary emotions: Six emotions that involve unique and consistent behavioral displays across cultures: anger, disgust, fear, joy, sadness, and surprise.
professional peers: People who hold jobs at the same level of power and status as your own.
protective families: Families characterized by high levels of conformity and low levels of conversation orientation. For example, Brian’s parents expect their son to be respectful, and they discourage family discussions.
provocateurs: Aggressive listeners who intentionally bait and attack others in online communication. For example, a group member stirs up trouble in a chatroom by criticizing the study group leader and then humiliates other respondents.
proxemics: A nonverbal code for communication through physical distance. See also intimate space; personal space; public space; social space.
pseudo-conflict: A mistaken perception that a conflict exists when it doesn’t. For example, Barbara thinks Anne is angry with her because Anne hasn’t spoken to her all evening, but Anne is actually worried about a report from her physician.
pseudo-listening: Pretending to listen while preoccupied or bored.
public space: The widest proxemic zone. It ranges outward from 12 feet and is most appropriate for formal settings.
punctuation: A step during organization when you structure information you’ve selected into a chronological sequence that matches how you experienced the order of events. For example, Bobby claims his sister started the backseat argument, but she insists that he poked her first.
Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT): A therapy developed by psychologist Albert Ellis that helps neurotic patients systematically purge themselves of the tendency to think negative thoughts about themselves.
reactivity: A way of handling conflict by not pursuing conflict-related goals at all and communicating in an emotionally explosive and negative fashion instead.
reappraisal: Actively changing how you think about the meaning of emotion-eliciting situations so that their emotional impact is changed. For instance, though previously fearful of giving a speech, Luke reduces his anxiety by repeating positive affirmations and getting excited about the chance to share what he knows.
recalling: The fifth stage of the listening process in which a listener is able to remember information after it’s received, attended to, understood, and responded to.
receiver: The individual for whom a message is intended or to whom it is delivered.
receiving: The first stage of the listening process in which a listener takes in information by seeing and hearing.
reciprocal liking: When the person we’re attracted to makes it clear, through communication and other actions, that the attraction is mutual.
regulative rules: Guidelines that govern how we use language when we verbally communicate—that is, spelling and grammar as well as conversational usage. For example, we know how to respond correctly to a greeting, and we know that cursing in public is inappropriate.
regulators: Gestures used to control the exchange of conversational turns during interpersonal encounters—for example, averting eyes to avoid someone, or zipping up book bags as a class to signal to a professor that the lecture should end.
relational dialectics: Opposing tensions between ourselves and our feelings toward others that exist in interpersonal relationships, such as the tension between wishing to be completely honest with a partner yet not wanting to be hurtful.
relational intrusion: The violation of one’s independence and privacy by a person who desires an intimate relationship.
relational maintenance: Communication and supportive behaviors partners use to sustain a desired relationship. They may show devotion by making time to talk, spending time together, and offering help or support to each other.
relationship goals: Goals of building, maintaining, or terminating relationships with others through interpersonal communication.
resource currency: Power that comes from controlling material items others want or need, such as money, food, or property.
responding: The fourth stage of the listening process in which a listener communicates his or her attention and understanding—for example, by nodding or murmuring agreement.
romantic betrayal: An act that goes against expectations of a romantic relationship and, as a result, causes pain to a partner.
romantic relationship: An interpersonal involvement two people choose to enter into that is perceived as romantic by both. For instance, Louise is in love with Robert, and Robert returns her affections.
G-11
salience: The degree to which particular people or aspects of their communication attract our attention.
schemata: Mental structures that contain information defining the characteristics of various concepts (such as people, places, events), as well as how those characteristics are related to one another. We often use schemata when interpreting interpersonal communication. When Charlie describes his home as “retro,” Amanda visualizes it before she even sees it.
secure attachment: An attachment style in which individuals are low on both anxiety and avoidance; they are comfortable with intimacy and seek close ties with others.
selection: The first step of perception in which we focus our attention on specific sensory data, such as sights, sounds, tastes, touches, or smells.
selective listening: Listening that takes in only those parts of a message that are immediately salient during an interpersonal encounter and dismisses the rest.
self: The evolving composite of who one is, including self-awareness, self-concept, and self-esteem.
self-awareness: The ability to view yourself as a unique person distinct from your surrounding environment and reflect on your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
self-concept: Your overall idea of who you are based on the beliefs, attitudes, and values you have about yourself.
self-concept clarity: The degree to which you have a clearly defined, consistent, and enduring sense of self.
self-disclosure: Revealing private information about yourself to others.
self-discrepancy theory: The idea that your self-esteem results from comparing two mental standards: your ideal self (the characteristics you want to possess based on your desires) and your ought self (the person others wish and expect you to be).
self-esteem: The overall value, positive or negative, you assign to yourself.
self-fulfilling prophecies: Predictions about future encounters that lead us to behave in ways that ensure the interactions unfold as we predicted.
self-monitoring: The process of observing your own communication and the norms of the situation in order to make appropriate communication choices.
self-presentation goals: In interpersonal encounters, presenting yourself in certain ways so that others perceive you as being a particular type of person.
self-serving bias: A biased tendency to credit ourselves (internal factors) instead of external factors for our success. For instance, Ruth attributes the success of a project to her leadership qualities rather than to the dedicated efforts of her team.
sender: The individual who generates, packages, and delivers a message.
separation: A sudden withdrawal of one person from an encounter. For example, you walk away from an argument to cool off, or you angrily retreat to your room.
serial argument process model: The course that serial arguments take is determined by the goals individuals possess, the approaches they adopt for dealing with the conflict, and the consequent perception of whether or not the conflict is resolvable.
serial arguments: A series of unresolved disputes, all having to do with the same issue.
sexual-arousal touch: An intentional touch designed to physically stimulate another person.
sexual harassment: Unwelcome sexual advances, physical contact, or requests that render a workplace offensive or intimidating.
sexual orientation: Enduring emotional, romantic, sexual, or affectionate attraction to others that exists along a continuum ranging from exclusive heterosexuality to exclusive homosexuality and that includes various forms of bisexuality.
short-term memory: The part of your mind that temporarily houses information while you seek to understand its meaning.
single-parent family: A household in which one adult has the sole responsibility to be the children’s caregiver.
skirting: A way of avoiding conflict by changing the topic or joking about it. For example, Martel tries to evade Louis’s criticism about where Martel parked his car by teasing, “I did you a favor. You walked twenty extra steps. Exercise is good for you.”
sniping: A way of avoiding conflict by communicating in a negative fashion and then abandoning the encounter by physically leaving the scene or refusing to interact further, such as when Martel answers Louis’s criticism about where he parked his car by insulting Louis and stomping out the door.
G-12
social comparison: Observing and assigning meaning to others’ behaviors and then comparing their behavior to ours (when judging our own actions). For example, you might subtly check out how others are dressed at a party or how they scored on an exam to see if you compare favorably.
social exchange theory: The idea that you will be drawn to those you see as offering substantial benefits with few associated costs. For example, Meredith thinks Leonard is perfect for her because he is much more attentive and affectionate than her previous boyfriends and seems so easy to please.
social network currency: Power that comes from being linked with a network of friends, family, and acquaintances with substantial influence, such as being on a first-name basis with a sports celebrity.
social penetration theory: Altman and Taylor’s model that you reveal information about yourself to others by peeling back or penetrating layers.
social-polite touch: A touch, such as a handshake, used to demonstrate social norms or culturally expected behaviors.
social space: The proxemic zone that ranges from 4 to 12 feet of space between communicators. It is the spatial separation most often used in the United States in the work place and for conversations between acquaintances and strangers.
speech acts: The actions we perform with language, such as the question, “Is the antique clock in your window for sale?” and the reply, “Yes, let me get it out to show you.”
spillover hypothesis: The idea that emotions, affect, and mood from the parental relationship “spill over” into the broader family, disrupting children’s sense of emotional security.
stagnating: A relational stage in which communication comes to a standstill. For instance, day after day, Owen and Ruth speak only to ask if a bill has been paid or what is on television, without really listening to each other’s answers.
stepfamily: A family type in which at least one of the adults has a child or children from a previous relationship.
Stereotype Content Model: A model in which prejudice centers on two judgments made about others: how warm and friendly they are, and how competent they are. These judgments create two possible kinds of prejudice: benevolent and hostile.
stereotyping: Categorizing people into social groups and then evaluating them based on information we have in our schemata related to each group.
structural improvements: When people agree to change the basic rules or understandings that govern their relationship to prevent further conflict.
submissiveness: The willingness to allow others to exert power over you, demonstrated by such gestures as a shrinking posture or lowered eye gaze.
sudden-death statements: Messages, communicated at the height of a conflict, that suddenly declare the end of a relationship, even if that wasn’t an option before—for example, “It’s over. I never want to see you again.”
supportive climate: A workplace atmosphere that is supportive, warm, and open. Contrast defensive climate.
supportive communication: Sharing messages that express emotional support and that offer personal assistance, such as extending your sympathy or listening to someone without judging.
suppression: Inhibiting thoughts, arousal, and outward behavioral displays of emotion. For example, Amanda stifles her anger, knowing it will kill her chances of receiving a good tip.
symbols: Items used to represent other things, ideas, or events. For example, the letters of the alphabet are symbols for specific sounds in English.
symmetrical relationships: Relationships characterized by an equal balance of power, such as a business partnership in which the partners co-own their company.
terminating: A relational stage in which one or both partners end a relationship. For instance, Ruth asks Owen for a divorce once she realizes their marriage has deteriorated beyond salvation.
territoriality: The tendency to claim personal spaces as our own and define certain locations as areas we don’t want others to invade without permission, such as spreading out personal items to claim the entire library table.
time-oriented listeners: Those who prefer brief, concise encounters to save time.
G-13
transactional communication model: A depiction of communication in which each participant equally influences the communication behavior of the other participants. For example, a salesperson who watches his customer’s facial expression while describing a product is sending and receiving messages at the same time.
triangulation: Loyalty conflicts that arise when a coalition is formed, uniting one family member with another against a third family member.
uncertainty avoidance: How cultures tolerate and accept unpredictability.
Uncertainty Reduction Theory: A theory explaining that the primary compulsion during initial encounters is to reduce uncertainty about our communication partners by gathering enough information about them that their communication becomes predictable and explainable.
understanding: The third stage of the listening process in which a listener interprets the meaning of another person’s communication by comparing newly received information against past knowledge.
upward communication: Messages from a subordinate to a superior. For instance, a clerk notifies the department manager that inventory needs to be reordered. Contrast downward communication.
valued social identities: The aspects of your public self that you deem the most important in defining who you are—for example, musician, athlete, poet, dancer, teacher, or mother.
venting: Allowing emotions to dominate your thoughts and explosively expressing them, such as shrieking in happiness or storming into an office in a rage.
verbal aggression: The tendency to attack others’ self-concepts—their appearance, behavior, or character—rather than their positions.
verbal communication: The exchange of spoken or written language with others during interactions.
virtual networks: Groups of coworkers linked solely through e-mail, social networking sites, Skype, and other online services.
virtual peers: Coworkers who communicate mostly through phone, e-mail, Skype, and other communication technologies.
vocalics: Vocal characteristics we use to communicate nonverbal messages, such as volume, pitch, rate, voice quality, vocalized sounds, and silence. For instance, a pause might signal discomfort, create tension, or be used to heighten drama.
voluntary kin family: A group of people who lack blood and legal kinship but who consider themselves “family.”
warranting value: The degree to which online information is supported by other people and outside evidence.
wedging: When a person deliberately uses online communication—messages, photos, and posts—to try to insert him- or herself between romantic partners because he or she is interested in one of the partners.
“we” language: Communication that uses the pronoun we to emphasize inclusion—for example, “We need to decide what color to paint the living room” instead of “I need you to tell me what color paint you want for the living room.” See also “I” language; “you” language.
workplace bullying: The repeated unethical and unfavorable treatment of one or more persons by others in the workplace.
workplace cliques: Dense networks of coworkers who share the same workplace values and broader life attitudes.
workplace relationships: Any affiliation you have with a professional peer, supervisor, subordinate, or mentor in a professional setting.
world-mindedness: The ability to practice and demonstrate acceptance and respect toward other cultures’ beliefs, values, and customs. Contrast ethnocentrism.
“you” language: Communication that states or implies the pronoun you to place the focus of attention on blaming others—such as “You haven’t done your share of the work on this project.” Contrast “I” language; “we” language.