MICHAEL THOMPSON: What makes a boy a boy? Is it biology? His genes? Or must he be taught to be a boy? Is it nature? Or is it nurture? The answer, of course, is both nature and nurture.
Now we can't do much about nature. But we can improve the way we raise our boys at home, in school, and after school. But first, we've got to correct some common misconceptions.
They start early on with our stereotypes about baby boys and girls. I've come here to consult with an expert on the subject. Hi. I'm Michael Thompson.
ROBIN MULDOON: Hi. I'm Robin.
MICHAEL THOMPSON: It's nice to meet you.
ROBIN MULDOON: Nice to meet you.
MICHAEL THOMPSON: You've got some babies for us today.
ROBIN MULDOON: We certainly do. We have three boys and one girl.
MICHAEL THOMPSON: And can you tell a difference between boys and girls when you just have them in nursery like this?
ROBIN MULDOON: No.
MICHAEL THOMPSON: You don't see any gender difference?
ROBIN MULDOON: None.
MICHAEL THOMPSON: How many years have you been at this?
ROBIN MULDOON: 23.
MICHAEL THOMPSON: Research confirms what head nurse Robin Muldoon is saying. Genetically, baby boys and girls have far more similarities than differences. But in spite of the similarities, as this baby boy grows up, he'll be bombarded with messages that tell him he must deny parts of his emotional life to become a man.
Consider the football player. He exemplifies our traditional view of masculinity. Young boys hunger for men to tell them how to be masculine. And men give instructions based on their conceptions of boy psychology.
COACH 1: Boys have to get their aggression out. I don't care what anybody says. They have to get it out. So let's do it here versus somewhere else.
MICHAEL THOMPSON: When boys hear themselves described as aggressive, they try to live up to that expectation.
COACH 1: Bang them up.
MICHAEL THOMPSON: What do you get to do in football that you don't get to do in normal life?
BOY 1: get to nail people.
MICHAEL THOMPSON: Yeah. And what's good about that?
BOY 1: You get to hurt them.
BOY 2: You get to kick ass.
COACH 2: Hey. Hey. You got to play tough here. Tad, Rockwell, you got to start smashing people. OK? Otherwise they're going to smash you. OK?
MICHAEL THOMPSON: Men often tell boys that anger is a manly emotion. But feelings of vulnerability and fear are not.
COACH 2: You guys know what pass blocking is? How come nobody did it? You get to go in there and you got to be tough. But you can't be sissying out.
MICHAEL THOMPSON: Maybe that's what the coach's father taught him.
COACH 2: You've got to be tougher than they are. That's the bottom line.
MICHAEL THOMPSON: And so it goes from generation to generation. What is it that makes a man a man?
BOY 3: Not crying over nothing.
BOY 4: A man is somebody who's not a wuss. He doesn't cry all the time.
BOY 5: Tough. Never cry. Doesn't cry a lot.
MICHAEL THOMPSON: You know when a 9-year-old boy says that boys shouldn't cry, he may suddenly remember that he himself cried twice that day already. And that raises a doubt which hangs over every boy's head. Am I man enough?