A Revised Paragraph from “No Place Left for Privacy,” Latrisha Wilson

STUDENTS WRITE

A Revised Paragraph from “No Place Left for Privacy,” Latrisha Wilson

Recall that Latrisha Wilson’s essay, “No Place Left for Privacy,” was developed, drafted, and revised in the Students Write sections of Chapters 6 to 9. Below is a body paragraph from Wilson’s essay with her final editing and proofreading changes shown. The reasons for each change, identified by number, are noted in the margin. The final draft of Wilson’s essay, with these changes incorporated into it, appears in Chapter 9.

  1. Added transition
  2. Edited for wordiness
  3. Fixed run-on
  4. Edited for repetition
  5. Deleted unnecessary comma
  6. Revised to make more specific
  7. Revised to avoid 1st person (/)
  8. Corrected misspelling
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LearningCurve > Commas; Fragments; Run-Ons and Comma Splices; Subject-Verb Agreement