5: Verbal Communication

Verbal Aggression

Verbal aggression is the use of language to attack someone’s personal attributes, such as their weight, looks, intelligence, or physical ability (Infante & Wigley, 1986). Verbal aggression is distinct from prejudiced language in three respects: the goal is to intentionally injure a particular person’s feelings, the attack targets unique personal attributes rather than group affiliation, and the message often includes profanity.

Verbal aggression can take the form of cyberbullying: habitually attacking a person using the Internet, interactive and digital technologies, or mobile phones.³ Individuals engage in cyberbullying by sending numerous insulting text messages, such as “u r so fat and ugly!” or writing Facebook posts or tweets denouncing someone as a “whore” or “loser.” The impact of cyberbullying can be devastating. Such was the case with Phoebe Prince—a high school student in Massachusetts—who killed herself following repeated acts of verbal aggression by her fellow female students via text messages, Facebook posts, and face-to-face encounters. Sadly, hundreds of similarly cyberbullied children attempt suicide every year.

³ Adapted from www.stopcyberbullying.org (2010).

Why are people verbally aggressive? Sometimes the behavior is triggered by a temporary state of stress, anger, or exhaustion. Other times it’s in reaction to real or perceived slights. In the Phoebe Prince case, the girls attacked her because they felt Phoebe had “crossed a line” by befriending and dating their boyfriends (Bazelon, 2010). Still others act that way because they believe that using profanity, insults, and threats will get them what they want, like Cartman from South Park.

It’s hard to communicate competently with verbally aggressive people. Imagine giving a speech in a public forum, such as a student union meeting, and having someone stand up and yell, “Shut up, you loser!” What would you say and do? To manage verbally aggressive individuals, researcher Dominic Infante (1995) offers three suggestions:

Avoid communicating in ways that may trigger aggression in the first place, such as teasing, baiting, or insulting others.
If you know someone who is chronically verbally aggressive—meaning he or she is verbally aggressive most of the time—avoid or minimize contact with that person.
If you can’t avoid such interactions, try to remain polite and respectful. Don’t interrupt the aggressive person. Stay calm, and acknowledge the other person’s perspective if possible. Avoid retaliating with personal attacks of your own; they’ll only escalate the aggression.

For ideas on how to handle verbal aggression online, see Table 5.2.

If you receive a text, e-mail, or online post that is aggressive or hostile toward you, try the following steps to respond competently and not escalate the situation:
Consider the intent of the message carefully to help you determine whether you should respond. Is the sender intentionally trying to provoke you? Did the sender just get carried away with emotion? Is the sender aware of the tone of the message?	If you choose to respond, create a draft message first, save it, and then revisit it in a few hours. Do not send the message yet. Later, check your response. Is it informative, honest, relevant, and clear? Did you avoid “you” language and use “I” and “we” language where appropriate to minimize defensiveness and bridge your differences?	Make sure your message is respectful and polite, avoiding any hint of personal attack or retaliation. Only once you are sure the message fits these requirements should you send it.

Table 5.2: TABLE 5.2 HOW TO HANDLE VERBAL AGGRESSION ONLINE

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