In many communication situations, we don’t think much about which available channel we should choose. Not so when it comes to conflict. If you’ve ever sent flowers as a way of apologizing, left a voice mail on a weekend to let an instructor or colleague know you’ve missed a deadline, or delivered bad news via a text message, chances are you chose that channel as a way of avoiding engaging in conflict face to face. But conflict and communication channels are often intertwined: conflict can arise from poor channel choices, as we perceive things differently depending on the channel used (see Chapter 2). Even more interesting is the powerful way that channel choice influences conflict management.

Of course, some practical considerations can influence which channel we select to communicate with someone else about a disagreement, such as whether a person lives close enough for us to talk about an issue in person. However, our reasons for choosing one channel over another are often rooted in emotions. If you’re intimidated by someone in a conflict situation, you may feel safer communicating with him or her by e-mail than over the phone or face to face. But beware: managing conflict with close friends or romantic partners through electronic channels can come across as insensitive and even cowardly. Just ask those who found out that their relationship was over via a changed “relationship status” on their significant other’s Facebook page!