INCLUDING SUPPORTING DETAILS

In addition to including well-focused topic sentences, effective paragraphs are unified and well developed — they provide relevant details that support the main point.

EFFECTIVE PARAGRAPHS HAVE UNITY

A paragraph has unity when all of the sentences directly support the topic sentence. Including details that are not relevant to the topic sentence makes your paragraph unclear and distracts your reader from the point you are making. To identify irrelevant details, evaluate each sentence by asking the following questions.

  1. Does this sentence directly explain the topic sentence? What new information does it add?
  2. Would any essential information be lost if this sentence were deleted? (If not, delete it.)
  3. Is this information distracting or unimportant? (If so, delete it.)

The following sample paragraph lacks unity. As you read it, try to identify the sentences that do not support the topic sentence.

PARAGRAPH LACKING UNITY

Topic sentence: Main idea

(1) Much of the violence we see in the world today may be caused by the emphasis on violence in the media. (2) More often than not, the front page of the local newspaper contains stories involving violence. (3) In fact, one recent issue of my local newspaper contained seven references to violent acts. (4) There is also violence in public school systems. (5) Television reporters frequently hasten to crime and accident scenes and film every grim, violent detail. (6) The other day, there was a drive-by shooting downtown. (7) If the media were a little more careful about the ways in which they glamorize violence, there might be less violence in the world today and children would be less influenced by it.

Although sentences 4 and 6 deal with the broad topic of violence, neither is directly related to the main point stated in the topic sentence. Both should be deleted.

EFFECTIVE PARAGRAPHS ARE WELL DEVELOPED

A well-developed paragraph should include enough supporting details to demonstrate that the topic sentence is accurate and believable. Compare the two paragraphs below.

UNDERDEVELOPED PARAGRAPH

Does not explain why email and text messaging are important

Email and texting are important technological advances, but they have hidden limitations, even dangers. It is too easy to avoid talking to people face to face. Emailing and texting can be addictive, too. Plus, they encourage ordinary people to ignore others while typing on a keyboard.

Does not provide any evidence of how or why they can be addictive

DEVELOPED PARAGRAPH

States reason that emailing and texting are disadvantageous

Email and texting are important technological advances, but they have hidden limitations, even dangers. While email and texting allow fast and efficient communication and exchange of information, they provide a different quality of human interaction. It is too easy to avoid talking to people. It is easier to click on a phone number and text a friend to see if she wants to meet for dinner than it would be actually to talk to her. In fact, using these services can become addictive. For example, some students on campus are obsessed with checking their email and sending, reading, or checking for texts many times throughout the day, even during class lectures and small group discussions. They spend their free time texting with acquaintances across the country while ignoring interesting people right in the same room. There is something to be said for talking with a person who is sitting next to you and responding to his or her expressions, gestures, and tone of voice.

Provides further information about the addictive qualities of texting and email

The first paragraph has skeletal ideas that support the topic sentence, but it does not explain those ideas. The second paragraph fleshes out the ideas by providing examples and explanations.

Explains the qualities of face-to-face interaction that are absent from email and texting

To discover if your paragraphs are well developed, ask yourself the following questions.

To develop your paragraphs further, you can use a prewriting strategy or do some research to find supporting evidence for your topic sentence. The same types of evidence that can be used to support a thesis can be used to develop a paragraph.

To learn more about prewriting strategies, see Chapter 4; for more on research, see Part 5; for a list of evidence that can be used to support a paragraph, see Table 6.1, p. 126.

EFFECTIVE PARAGRAPHS PROVIDE SUPPORTING DETAILS AND ARRANGE THEM LOGICALLY

The evidence you provide to support your topic sentences should be concrete and specific. Specific details interest your readers and make your meaning clear and forceful. Compare the following two examples.

VAGUE

General statements that do not completely explain the topic sentence

Many people are confused about the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist. Both have a license, but a psychiatrist has more education than a psychologist. Also, a psychiatrist can prescribe medication.

CONCRETE AND SPECIFIC

Concrete details make clear the distinction between the two terms

Many people are confused about the difference between psychiatrists and psychologists. Both are licensed by the state to practice psychotherapy. However, a psychiatrist has earned a degree from medical school and can also practice medicine. Additionally, a psychiatrist can prescribe psychotropic medications. A psychologist, on the other hand, usually has earned a Ph.D. but has not attended medical school and therefore cannot prescribe medication of any type.

To make your paragraphs concrete and specific, use the following guidelines.

  1. Focus on who, what, when, where, how, and why questions. Ask yourself these questions about your supporting details, and use the answers to expand and revise your paragraph.
    VAGUE Some animals hibernate for part of the year. (What animals? When do they hibernate?)
    SPECIFIC Some bears hibernate for three to four months each winter.
  2. Name names. Include the names of people, places, brands, and objects.
    3. VAGUE When my sixty-three-year-old aunt was refused a job, she became an angry victim of age discrimination.
    SPECIFIC When my sixty-three-year-old Aunt Angela was refused a job at Vicki’s Nail Salon, she became an angry victim of age discrimination.
  3. Use action verbs. Select strong verbs that help your readers visualize the action.
    4. VAGUE When Silina came on stage, the audience became excited.
    SPECIFIC When Silina burst onto the stage, the audience screamed, cheered, and chanted, “Silina, Silina!”
  4. Use descriptive language that appeals to the senses (smell, touch, taste, sound, sight). Words that appeal to the senses help your readers feel as if they are observing or participating in the experience you are describing.
    5. VAGUE It’s relaxing to walk on the beach.
    SPECIFIC I walked in the sand next to the ocean, breathing in the smell of the salt water and listening to the rhythmic sound of the waves.
  5. Use adjectives and adverbs. Carefully chosen adjectives and adverbs in your description of a person, place, or experience can make your writing more concrete.
    6. VAGUE As I weeded my garden, I let my eyes wander over the meadow sweets and hydrangeas, all the while listening to the chirping of a cardinal.
    SPECIFIC As I slowly weeded my perennial garden, I let my eyes wander over the pink meadow sweets and blue hydrangeas, all the while listening absent-mindedly to the chirping of a bright red cardinal.

The details in a paragraph should also follow a logical order. You might arrange the details from most to least (or least to most) important, in chronological order, or in spatial order. (For more on organization, see Chapter 7.)

Essay in Progress 2

For the draft you worked with in Essay in Progress 1, evaluate the supporting details you used in each paragraph. Revise as necessary to make each paragraph unified and logically organized. Make sure you have provided concrete, specific details.