Revising a vague thesis

The following thesis is too vague and unfocused. It is hard to say where this paper will go or what it will argue. Fuzzy, hard-to-define words such as interesting, good, or disgusting don’t carry the same meanings for every reader, so they often don’t lead to a clear point.

A strong thesis will establish a direction for the writer and reader. The revised thesis indicates to the reader that the writer will focus on one aspect of the memorial—the wall—and on what it means for the viewer.

Figure. The figure shows a strategy for revising a thesis. The Vietnam Veterans Memorial is an interesting structure. Problem: This thesis is too fuzzy and unfocused. It’s difficult to define interesting, and the sentence doesn’t give the reader any cues about where the essay is going. Strategy: Focus your thesis with concrete language and a clear plan. Pose a question about the topic that has more than one answer. For example: How does the physical structure of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial shape the experience of visitors? Your thesis—your answer to the question—should use specific language that engages readers to follow your argument. Revised thesis: By inviting visitors to see their own reflections in the wall, the Vietnam Veterans Memorial creates a link between the present and the past.

Effective thesis statements

Exercise: Thesis statements 1

Exercise: Thesis statements 2

Related topics:

Revising a thesis that is too factual

Revising a thesis that is too broad

Drafting the body