Choosing the Right Words and Phrases

This section discusses four principles that will help you use the right words and phrases in the right places: select an appropriate level of formality, be clear and specific, be concise, and use inoffensive language.

SELECT AN APPROPRIATE LEVEL OF FORMALITY

Although no standard definition of levels of formality exists, most experts would agree that there are three levels:

INFORMAL The Acorn 560 is a real screamer. With 5.5 GHz of pure computing power, it slashes through even the thickest spreadsheets before you can say 2 + 2 = 4.

MODERATELY FORMAL

With its 5.5-GHz microprocessor, the Acorn 560 can handle even the most complicated spreadsheets quickly.

HIGHLY FORMAL

With a 5.5-GHz microprocessor, the Acorn 560 is a high-speed personal computer appropriate for computation-intensive applications such as large, complex spreadsheets.

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Technical communication usually requires a moderately formal or highly formal style.

To achieve the appropriate level and tone, think about your audience, your subject, and your purpose:

For more about writing to a multicultural audience, see “Communicating Across Cultures” in Ch. 4.

BE CLEAR AND SPECIFIC

Follow these seven guidelines to make your writing clear and specific:

Use Active and Passive Voice Appropriately In a sentence using the active voice, the subject performs the action expressed by the verb: the “doer” of the action is the grammatical subject. By contrast, in a sentence using the passive voice, the recipient of the action is the grammatical subject. Compare the following examples (the subjects are italicized):

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ACTIVE Dave Brushaw drove the launch vehicle.
The doer of the action is the subject of the sentence.
PASSIVE The launch vehicle was driven by Dave Brushaw.
The recipient of the action is the subject of the sentence.

In most cases, the active voice works better than the passive voice because it emphasizes the agent (the doer of the action). An active-voice sentence also is shorter because it does not require a form of the verb to be and the past participle, as a passive-voice sentence does. In the active version of the example sentence, the verb is drove rather than was driven, and the word by does not appear.

The passive voice, however, is generally better in these four cases:

For more about ethics, see Ch. 2.

It might be unwise or tactless to specify who recorded the incorrect figures. Perhaps it was your boss. However, it is unethical to use the passive voice to avoid responsibility for an action.

The passive voice can also help you maintain the focus of your paragraph.

Cloud computing offers three major advantages. First, the need for server space is reduced. Second, security updates are installed automatically . . .

Some people believe that the active voice is inappropriate in technical communication because it emphasizes the person who does the work rather than the work itself, making the writing less objective. In many cases, this objection is valid. Why write “I analyzed the sample for traces of iodine” if there is no ambiguity about who did the analysis or no need to identify who did it? The passive focuses on the action, not the actor: “The samples were analyzed for traces of iodine.” But if in doubt, use the active voice.

Other people argue that the passive voice produces a double ambiguity. In the sentence “The samples were analyzed for traces of iodine,” the reader is not quite sure who did the analysis (the writer or someone else) or when it was done (during the project or some time previously). Identifying the actor can often clarify both ambiguities.

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The best approach is to recognize that the two voices differ and to use each one where it is most effective.

Many grammar-checkers can help you locate the passive voice. Some of them will advise you that the passive is undesirable, almost an error, but this advice is misleading. Use the passive voice when it works better than the active voice for your purposes.

Any word processor allows you to search for the forms of to be used most commonly in passive-voice expressions: is, are, was, and were. You can also search for ed to isolate past participles (for example, purchased, implemented, and delivered); such past participles appear in most passive-voice constructions.

Be Specific Being specific involves using precise words, providing adequate detail, and avoiding ambiguity.

If you don’t have the specific data, you should approximate—and clearly tell readers you are doing so—or explain why the specific data are unavailable and indicate when they will be available:

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The fuel leakage is much greater than we had anticipated; we estimate it to be at least 5 gallons per minute, not 2.

The fuel leakage is much greater than we had anticipated; we expect to have specific data by 4 P.M. today.

Avoid Unnecessary Jargon Jargon is shoptalk. To an audiophile, LP is a long-playing record; to an engineer, it is liquid propane; to a guitarist, it is a Gibson Les Paul model; to a physician, it is a lumbar puncture; to a drummer, it is Latin Percussion, a drum maker.

Jargon is often ridiculed; many dictionaries define it as “writing that one does not understand” or “nonsensical, incoherent, or meaningless talk.” However, jargon is useful in its proper sphere. For one thing, jargon enables members of a particular profession to communicate clearly and economically with one another.

If you are addressing a technically knowledgeable audience, use jargon recognized in that field. However, keep in mind that technical documents often have many audiences in addition to the primary audience. When in doubt, avoid jargon; use more-common expressions or simpler terms.

Using jargon inappropriately is inadvisable for four reasons:

Use Positive Constructions The term positive construction has nothing to do with being cheerful. It indicates that the writer is describing what something is instead of what it is not. In the sentence “I was sad to see this project completed,” “sad” is a positive construction. The negative construction would be “not happy.”

Here are a few more examples of positive and negative constructions:

Positive construction Negative construction
most not all
few not many
on time not late, not delayed
positive not negative
inefficient not efficient
reject cannot accept
impossible not possible

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Readers understand positive constructions more quickly and more easily than negative constructions. Consider the following examples:

DIFFICULT Because the team did not have sufficient time to complete the project, it was unable to produce a satisfactory report.
SIMPLER Because the team had too little time to complete the project, it produced an unsatisfactory report.

Avoid Long Noun Strings A noun string contains a series of nouns (or nouns, adjectives, and adverbs), all of which together modify the last noun. For example, in the phrase parking-garage regulations, the first pair of words modifies regulations. Noun strings save time, and if your readers understand them, they are fine. It is easier to write passive-restraint system than a system that uses passive restraints.

For more about hyphens, see Appendix, Part B.

Hyphens can clarify noun strings by linking words that go together. For example, in the phrase flat-panel monitor, the hyphen links flat and panel. Together they modify monitor. In other words, it is not a flat panel or a panel monitor, but a flat-panel monitor. However, noun strings are sometimes so long or so complex that hyphens can’t ensure clarity. To clarify a long noun string, untangle the phrases and restore prepositions, as in the following example:

UNCLEAR preregistration procedures instruction sheet update
CLEAR an update of the instruction sheet for preregistration procedures

Noun strings can sometimes be ambiguous—they can have two or more plausible meanings, leaving readers to guess at which meaning you’re trying to convey.

AMBIGUOUS The building contains a special incoming materials storage area.
What’s special? Are the incoming materials special? Or is the area they’re stored in special?
UNAMBIGUOUS The building contains a special area for storing incoming materials.
UNAMBIGUOUS The building contains an area for storing special incoming materials.

An additional danger is that noun strings can sometimes sound pompous. If you are writing about a simple smoke detector, there is no reason to call it a smoke-detection device or, worse, a smoke-detection system.

Avoid Clichés Good writing is original and fresh. Rather than use a cliché, say what you want to say in plain English. Current clichés include pushing the envelope; synergy; mission critical; bleeding edge; paradigm shift; and been there, done that. The best advice is to avoid clichés: if you are used to hearing or reading a phrase, don’t use it. Jimi Hendrix was a rock star; the Employee of the Month sitting in the next cubicle isn’t. Don’t think outside the box, pick low-hanging fruit, leverage your assets, bring your “A” game, be a change agent, raise the bar, throw anyone under a bus, be proactive, put lipstick on a pig, or give 110 percent. And you can assume that everyone already knows that it is what it is.

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Avoid Euphemisms A euphemism is a polite way of saying something that makes people uncomfortable. For instance, a near miss between two airplanes is officially an “air proximity incident.” The more uncomfortable the subject, the more often people resort to euphemisms. Dozens of euphemisms deal with drinking, bathrooms, sex, and death. Here are several euphemisms for firing someone:

personnel-surplus reduction dehiring
workforce-imbalance correction decruiting
rightsizing redundancy elimination
indefinite idling career-change-opportunity creation
downsizing permanent furloughing
administrative streamlining personnel realignment
synergy-related headcount restructuring

ETHICS NOTE

EUPHEMISMS AND TRUTH TELLING

There is nothing wrong with using the euphemism restroom, even though few people visit one to rest. The British use the phrase go to the toilet in polite company, and nobody seems to mind. In this case, if you want to use a euphemism, no harm done.

But it is unethical to use a euphemism to gloss over an issue that has important implications for people or the environment. People get uncomfortable when discussing layoffs—and they should. It’s an uncomfortable issue. But calling a layoff a redundancy elimination initiative ought to make you even more uncomfortable. Don’t use language to cloud reality. It’s an ethical issue.

BE CONCISE

The following five principles can help you write concise technical documents:

Avoid Obvious Statements Writing can become sluggish if it overexplains. The italicized words in the following example are sluggish:

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SLUGGISH The market for the sale of flash memory chips is dominated by two chip manufacturers: Intel and Advanced Micro Systems. These two chip manufacturers are responsible for 76 percent of the $1.3 billion market in flash memory chips last year.
IMPROVED The market for flash memory chips is dominated by Intel and Advanced Micro Systems, two companies that claimed 76 percent of the $1.3 billion industry last year.

Avoid Filler In our writing, we sometimes use filler, much of which is more suited to speech. Consider the following examples:

basically kind of
certain rather
essentially sort of

Such words are common in oral communication, when we need to think fast, but they are meaningless in writing.

BLOATED I think that, basically, the board felt sort of betrayed, in a sense, by the kind of behavior the president displayed.
BETTER The board felt betrayed by the president’s behavior.

But modifiers are not always meaningless. For instance, it might be wise to use I think or it seems to me to show that you are aware of other views.

BLUNT Next year we will face unprecedented challenges to our market dominance.
LESS BLUNT In my view, next year we will face unprecedented challenges to our market dominance.

Of course, a sentence that sounds blunt to one reader can sound self-confident to another. As you write, keep your audience’s preferences and expectations in mind.

Other fillers include redundant expressions, such as collaborate together, past history, end result, any and all, still remain, completely eliminate, and very unique. Say it once.

REDUNDANT This project would not have succeeded if not for the hard work and considerable effort of each and every one of the auditors assigned to the project.
BETTER This project would not have succeeded if not for the hard work of every one of the auditors assigned to the project.

Avoid Unnecessary Prepositional Phrases A prepositional phrase consists of a preposition followed by a noun or a noun equivalent, such as in the summary, on the engine, and under the heading. Unnecessary prepositional phrases, often used along with abstract nouns and nominalizations, can make your writing long and boring.

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LONG The increase in the number of students enrolled in the materials-engineering program at Lehigh University is suggestive of the regard in which that program is held by the university’s new students.
SHORTER The increased enrollment in Lehigh University’s materials-engineering program suggests that the university’s new students consider it a good program.

Avoid Wordy Phrases Wordy phrases also make writing long and boring. For example, some people write on a daily basis rather than daily. The long phrase may sound more important, but daily says the same thing more concisely.

Table 6.2 lists common wordy phrases and their more concise equivalents.

TABLE 6.2 Wordy Phrases and Their Concise Equivalents
WORDY PHRASE CONCISE PHRASE WORDY PHRASE CONCISE PHRASE
a majority of most in the event that if
a number of some, many in view of the fact that because
at an early date soon it is often the case that often
at the conclusion of after, following it is our opinion that we think that
at the present time now it is our recommendation that we recommend that
at this point in time now it is our understanding that we understand that
based on the fact that because make reference to refer to
check out check of the opinion that think that
despite the fact that although on a daily basis daily
due to the fact that because on the grounds that because
during the course of during prior to before
during the time that during, while relative to regarding, about
have the capability to can so as to to
in connection with about, concerning subsequent to after
in order to to take into consideration consider
in regard to regarding, about until such time as until

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Compare the following wordy sentence and its concise translation:

WORDY I am of the opinion that, in regard to profit achievement, the statistics pertaining to this month will appear to indicate an upward tendency.
CONCISE I think this month’s statistics will show an increase in profits.

Avoid Fancy Words Writers sometimes think they will impress their readers by using fancy words—utilize for use, initiate for begin, perform for do, due to for because, and prioritize for rank. In technical communication, plain talk is best. Compare the following fancy sentence with its plain-English version:

FANCY The purchase of a database program will enhance our record-maintenance capabilities.
PLAIN Buying a database program will help us maintain our records.

Table 6.3 lists commonly used fancy words and their plain equivalents.

TABLE 6.3 Fancy Words and Their Plain Equivalents
FANCY WORD PLAIN WORD FANCY WORD PLAIN WORD
advise tell herein here
ascertain learn, find out impact (verb) affect
attempt (verb) try initiate begin
commence start, begin manifest (verb) show
demonstrate show parameters variables, conditions
due to because of perform do
employ (verb) use prioritize rank
endeavor (verb) try procure get, buy
eventuate happen quantify measure
evidence (verb) show terminate end, stop
finalize end, settle, agree, finish utilize use
furnish provide, give    

USE INOFFENSIVE LANGUAGE

For books about nonsexist writing, see the Selected Bibliography. Many of the books in the Usage and General Writing, Handbooks for Grammar and Style, and Style Manuals sections address nonsexist writing.

Writing to avoid offense is not merely a matter of politeness; it is a matter of perception. Language reflects attitudes, but it also helps to form attitudes. Writing inoffensively is one way to break down stereotypes.

Nonsexist Language You can use your word processor to search for he, man, and men, the words and parts of words most often associated with sexist writing. Some grammar-checkers identify common sexist terms and suggest alternatives. But use what you know about the world. You don’t want to produce a sentence like this one from a benefits manual: “Every employee is responsible for the cost of his or her gynecological examination.”

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Avoiding Sexist Language

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Follow these six suggestions for writing gender-neutral text.

  • Replace male-gender words with non-gender-specific words. Chairman, for instance, can become chairperson or chair. Firemen are firefighters; policemen are police officers.

  • Switch to a different form of the verb.

    SEXIST The operator must pass rigorous tests before he is promoted.
    NONSEXIST The operator must pass rigorous tests before being promoted.
  • Switch to the plural.
    NONSEXIST Operators must pass rigorous tests before they are promoted.

    Some organizations accept the use of plural pronouns with singular nouns, particularly in memos and other informal documents:

    If an employee wishes to apply for tuition reimbursement, they should consult Section 14.5 of the Employee Manual.

    Careful writers and editors, however, resist this construction because it is grammatically incorrect (it switches from singular to plural). In addition, switching to the plural can make a sentence unclear:

    UNCLEAR Operators are responsible for their operating manuals.
    Does each operator have one operating manual or more than one?
    CLEAR Each operator is responsible for his or her operating manual.
  • Switch to he or she, he/she, s/he, or his or her. He or she, his or her, and related constructions are awkward, especially if overused, but at least they are clear and inoffensive.

  • Address the reader directly. Use you and your or the understood you.

    [You] Enter the serial number in the first text box.

  • Alternate he and she. Language scholar Joseph Williams (2007) and many other language authorities recommend alternating he and she from one paragraph or section to the next.

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People-First Language for Referring to People with Disabilities Almost one in five Americans—some 56 million people—has a physical, sensory, emotional, or mental impairment that interferes with daily life (U.S. Census Bureau, 2012). In writing about people with disabilities, use the “people-first” approach: treat the person as someone with a disability, not as someone defined by that disability. The disability is a condition the person has, not what the person is.

Using the People-First Approach

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When writing about people with disabilities, follow these five guidelines, which are based on Snow (2009).

  • Refer to the person first, the disability second. Write people with mental retardation, not the mentally retarded.

  • Don’t confuse handicap with disability. Disability refers to the impairment or condition; handicap refers to the interaction between the person and his or her environment. A person can have a disability without being handicapped.

  • Don’t refer to victimization. Write a person with AIDS, not an AIDS victim or an AIDS sufferer.

  • Don’t refer to a person as wheelchair bound or confined to a wheelchair. People who use wheelchairs to get around are not confined.

  • Don’t refer to people with disabilities as abnormal. They are atypical, not abnormal.