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CHAPTER 13

Adulthood

The Social World

I broke two small bones in my pelvis—a mishap I caused myself: I was rushing, wearing old smooth-soled shoes, carrying books, in the rain, after dark, stepping up a curb. I fell hard on the sidewalk. That led to a 911 call, an ambulance, five hospital days, five rehab days, heartfelt admiration for the physical therapists who got me walking, and deep appreciation of the chair of my department, who found colleagues to teach my classes for two weeks.

I mention that minor event because it spotlights generativity. My friends and four children, adults now, cared for me far beyond what I thought I needed.

A passerby/friend called the EMS (Emergency Medical Services) and stayed with me until the two nearby daughters, Elissa and Sarah, were at the emergency room within an hour; Rachel flew in from Minnesota and bought me new shoes with slip-proof treads; Bethany drove down from Connecticut with planters, dirt, flowers, and trees to beautify my home.

That was not all. My daughters questioned nurses and doctors; brought me books, mail, and my computer; filled prescriptions; rearranged my bathroom; scheduled taxis; pushed my wheelchair; did laundry, shopping, cooking, cleaning; doggedly pursued insurance companies.

It was hard to accept help. I told my friends, “No visitors.” One laughed and said, “You are stuck in bed, I am coming.” I hoped to return quickly to the college because I thought my students needed me. But soon I realized I needed them as much as, or more than, they needed me. In retrospect, I am glad my friend visited and grateful that my daughters did all they did.

Again and again I am reminded that generativity is mutual: We receive as well as give.

That is a theme of this chapter, which focuses on the social aspects of adult lives: partnering and parenting, mating and mentoring. Adults have personality traits and values that respond to the personalities and traits of other people of all ages. Adults seek love and work, intimacy and generativity.