BACKGROUND

Cooperative verbal communicators constantly strive to use language that is appropriately informative, honest, relevant, and clear. But sometimes information that is relevant to share with others can be damaging. In such situations, deception becomes a tempting alternative. To find out how you would cope with such a situation, read this case study and work through the five steps under Your Turn.

CASE STUDY

Since her early youth, your cousin Britney has always gotten her way. Whenever she wanted something, she would throw a tantrum, and your aunt and uncle would give in. Now she’s an adult version of the same child: spoiled and manipulative. Thankfully, you see Britney only during the holidays, and she usually ignores you.

Over the past year, Britney has had troubles. She dropped out of college, and lost her license after totaling the new car her parents bought her. Her drug abuse worsened to the point where her folks forced her into rehab. Despite your dislike, you felt sorry for her when this happened, because you’ve struggled with your own substance abuse challenges over the years. Now she apparently has recovered and reenrolled in school.

At your annual family reunion, Britney greets you with a big hug and smile. “How’s my favorite cousin?” she gushes. As she talks, your surprise turns to suspicion. She’s acting too friendly, and you think she may be high. Sure enough, when the two of you are alone, she pulls a bag of Vicodin tablets from her purse. “Do you want some?” she offers, and when you refuse, says, “Oh, that’s right—You’re in recovery,” in a mocking tone. When you ask about rehab, she laughs, “It may have been right for you, but I did it just to shut my parents up.” When you point out the stress she has caused them, Britney snaps, “When I want your worthless opinion, I’ll ask!”

Afterward, you corner your folks and disclose what happened. They counsel silence. If you tell Britney’s parents, Britney will just lie, and they will believe her over you. What’s more, everyone in the family will have to take sides, and it will ruin the reunion.

Over dinner, while Britney smirks, your aunt and uncle praise her recovery. Your aunt then announces that she is rewarding Britney by buying her another car. Your blood boils. Although your aunt and uncle are well-intentioned, Britney is deceiving and exploiting them! Noticing your sullen expression, your uncle says, “I’m not sure what’s bothering you, but I think it might be envy. Not everyone has Britney’s strength of character in dealing with adversity. You could learn a lot from her, don’t you think?”

YOUR TURN

Think about the interpersonal communication concepts, skills, and insights you have learned while reading this book, especially this chapter. Try to keep all of this in mind while working through the following five steps, which will help you become aware of how you can make better interpersonal communication choices in your relationships. Remember, there are no right answers, so think hard about what choice you will make! (Review the Helpful Concepts listed below.)

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