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Presenting Yourself Effectively in Correspondence
When you write business correspondence, follow these five suggestions for presenting yourself as a professional:
People are sometimes tempted to use informal writing in informal digital applications such as email and microblogs. Don’t. Everything you write on the job is legally the property of the organization for which you work, and messages are almost always archived digitally, even after recipients have deleted them. Your documents might be read by the company president, or they might appear in a newspaper or in a court of law. Therefore, use a moderately formal tone to avoid potential embarrassment.
| TOO INFORMAL | Our meeting with United went south right away when they threw a hissy fit, saying that we blew off the deadline for the progress report. |
| MODERATELY FORMAL | In our meeting, the United representative expressed concern that we had missed the deadline for the progress report. |
However, you don’t want to sound like a dictionary.
| TOO FORMAL | It was indubitably the case that our team was successful in presenting a proposal that was characterized by quality of the highest order. My appreciation for your industriousness is herewith extended. |
| MODERATELY FORMAL | I think we put together an excellent proposal. Thank you very much for your hard work. |
One issue closely related to formality is correctness. As discussed in Chapter 1, correct writing is free of grammar, punctuation, style, usage, and spelling errors. Correctness problems occur most often in email and microblogs.
Read more about editing and proofreading in Ch. 13.
Some writers mistakenly think that they do not need to worry about correctness because these digital applications are meant for quick communication. They are wrong. You have to plan your digital correspondence just as you plan any other written communication, and you should revise, edit, and proofread it. Sending correspondence that contains language errors is unprofessional because it suggests a lack of respect for your reader—and for yourself. It also causes your reader to think that you are careless about your job.
Correspondence should convey a courteous, positive tone. The key to accomplishing this task is using the “you attitude”—looking at the situation from the reader’s point of view and adjusting the content, structure, and tone to meet his or her needs. For example, if you are writing to a supplier who has failed to deliver some merchandise by the agreed-on date, the “you attitude” dictates that you not discuss problems you are having with other suppliers; those problems don’t concern your reader. Instead, concentrate on explaining clearly and politely that the reader has violated your agreement and that not having the merchandise is costing you money. Then propose ways to expedite the shipment.
Following are two examples of thoughtless sentences, each followed by an improved version that shows the “you attitude.”
| ACCUSING | You must have dropped the engine. The housing is badly cracked. |
| BETTER | The badly cracked housing suggests that the engine must have fallen onto a hard surface from some height. |
| SARCASTIC | You’ll need two months to deliver these parts? Who do you think you are, the post office? |
| BETTER | Surely you would find a two-month delay for the delivery of parts unacceptable in your business. That’s how I feel, too. |
A calm, respectful tone makes the best impression and increases the chances that you will achieve your goal.
Over the centuries, a group of words and phrases have come to be associated with business correspondence; one common example is as per your request. These phrases sound stilted and insincere. Don’t use them.
Read more about choosing the right words and phrases in Ch. 10.
Figure 14.1 is a list of common clichés and their plain-language equivalents. Figure 14.2 shows two versions of the same letter: one written in clichés, the other in plain language.
| LETTER CLICHÉ | PLAIN-LANGUAGE EQUIVALENT |
| attached please find | attached is |
| enclosed please find | enclosed is |
| pursuant to our agreement | as we agreed |
| referring to your (“Referring to your letter of March 19, the shipment of pianos …”) | “As you wrote in your letter of March 19, the …” (or subordinate the reference at the end of your sentence) |
| wish to advise (“We wish to advise that …”) | (The phrase doesn’t say anything. Just say what you want to say.) |
| the writer (“The writer believes that …”) | “I believe …” |
Figure 14.1 Letter Clichés and Plain-Language Equivalents
You should communicate honestly when you write any kind of document, and business correspondence is no exception. Communicating honestly shows respect for your reader and for yourself.
ETHICS NOTE
WRITING HONEST BUSINESS CORRESPONDENCE
Why is dishonesty a big problem in correspondence? Perhaps because the topics discussed in business correspondence often relate to the writer’s professionalism and the quality of his or her work. For instance, when a salesperson working for a supplier writes to a customer explaining why a product did not arrive on time, he is tempted to make it seem as if his company—and he personally—is blameless. Similarly, when a manager has to announce a new policy that employees will dislike, she might be tempted to distance herself from the policy.
The professional approach is to tell the truth. If you mislead a reader in explaining why the shipment didn’t arrive on time, the reader will likely double-check the facts, conclude that you are trying to avoid responsibility, and end your business relationship. If you try to convince readers that you had nothing to do with a new, unpopular policy, some of them will know you are being misleading, and you will lose your most important credential: your credibility.
The letter on the right avoids clichés and shows an understanding of the “you attitude.” Instead of focusing on the violation of the warranty, it presents the conclusion as good news: the snowmobile is not ruined, and it can be repaired and returned in less than a week for a small charge.
| LETTER CONTAINING CLICHÉS | LETTER IN PLAIN LANGUAGE |
|
Dear Mr. Smith: Referring to your complaint regarding the problem encountered with your new Trailrider Snowmobile, our Customer Service Department has just submitted its report. It is their conclusion that the malfunction is caused by water being present in the fuel line. It is our conclusion that you must have purchased some bad gasoline. We trust you are cognizant of the fact that while we guarantee our snowmobiles for a period of not less than one year against defects in workmanship and materials, responsibility cannot be assumed for inadequate care. We wish to advise, for the reason mentioned hereinabove, that we cannot grant your request to repair the snowmobile free of charge. Permit me to say, however, that the writer would be pleased to see that the fuel line is flushed at cost, $30. Your Trailrider would then give you many years of trouble-free service. Enclosed please find an authorization card. Should we receive it, we shall perform the above-mentioned repair and deliver your snowmobile forthwith. Sincerely yours, |
Dear Mr. Smith: Thank you for letting us know about the problem with your new Trailrider Snowmobile. Our Customer Service Department has found water in the fuel line. Apparently some of the gasoline was bad. While we guarantee our snowmobiles for one year against defects in workmanship and materials, we cannot assume responsibility for problems caused by bad gasoline. We cannot, therefore, grant your request to repair the snowmobile free of charge. However, no serious harm was done to the snowmobile. We would be happy to flush the fuel line at cost, $30. Your Trailrider would then give you many years of trouble-free service. If you will authorize us to do this work, we will have your snowmobile back to you within four working days. Just fill out the enclosed authorization card and drop it in the mail. Sincerely yours, |
Figure 14.2 Sample Letters with and Without Clichés