Midlife

At 20, I was so anxious about life. But there is nothing like 30-plus years of living to teach you who you really are. I mainly credit the life-changing experience of having twins for making me mature. Children lock you into the fact that you have a mission larger than the self. The down-times strengthened me, too: raising my own babies as a single mom, helping to take care of Dad during his final years. At age 53, I have zero fears about physical aging. Getting through menopause was no problem; my sex life is actually better than it was at 25! My anxiety relates to my mind. Now that the kids are grown, I’m passionate to make a difference in the world. I want to return to school to get a Ph.D. in public policy. But can I succeed in the classroom at my age? Am I too old to get a job?

Then, there are anxieties about time. I’m watching my new grandbaby during the week, while my daughter is at work. Not only is day care expensive, I can’t let Joshua spend his first year of life with strangers. Child care is a grandma’s job!

Still, I’m up for these challenges, especially since I can rely on my life love, Matt, to cheer me on. In most ways, I’m the same person I was at 20—just as outgoing, caring—but much more responsible, of course. And, it’s now or never. I feel the clock ticking when I look around. My friend Charron recently died of cancer. My baby brother retired after having a stroke last year. I get my inspiration from Mom—at age 75, still the youth group director at Church. Mom—well, she’s supposed to be old, but she’s really middle-aged.

When you think of middle age, what images come to mind? As is true of Jamila in the vignette, you might imagine adults at the peak of their powers: confident, mature, taking on empty nest challenges, focused on making a difference in the world. But you might also think of people fearful about mental loss, and grappling with sexual decline. You could imagine vigorous, happy grandparents, or midlife daughters overburdened by caring for their parents in old age. In this chapter, devoted to the long life stage that psychologist Carl Jung (1933) poetically labeled “the afternoon of life,” we’ll explore these joys and heartaches, challenges, and changes.

Let’s start by setting boundaries. When are people middle-aged?