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CHAPTER 6

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Socioemotional Development

Nine-year-old Josiah has a new best friend, Matt. The boys bonded over their love of soccer and their “so-called” hatred of girls. Although they aren’t in the popular kids group, these best buddies are the kind of caring, take-charge kids you want to have around. A perfect example of what these kids add to the class happened last week when the boys decided to physically (!) play tag using a video game.

As she saw the kids jostling, filling up the recess area with joyous noise, Moriah— who had earlier made the memorable statement, “Girls’ stuff is stupid” (comments that quickly earned her the label “dork” from the female members of the class)—ran over and asked, “Can I play?”

Everyone closed ranks, yelling, “No girls allowed!”

Then Mark pushed in, as usual, disrupting the game, hogging the device the kids had renamed “the ball.” A few minutes later, Jimmy, an anxious child, worked up the guts to timidly enter the group.

“Get out!” erupted Mark, “You wuss. You girl!”

Mark bopped Jimmy over the head, and—as usual—a few boys laughed. Jimmy started to cry and began to slink away. But suddenly, Josiah slowed down.

“Cool it, guys,” he said. “Man, are you all right? Come join us.”

Josiah comforted Jimmy and managed to tell the other boys to lay off Moriah (“Hey, guys, she’s really cool!”), while Matt did his best to keep Mark from messing up the game. All of this earned these two good-guy heroes exuberant fist pumps from the teacher and the rest of the class!

Have you ever wondered why children, such as Josiah and Matt, are competent and caring, while others, like Mark, seem insensitive, aggressive, and rude? Perhaps you are curious about what makes children bond together as best friends, or why people, like Jimmy and Moriah, seem isolated from their peers. Have you puzzled over why boys love to run around or wondered why elementary schoolchildren (say) they love to hate the other sex? Maybe you simply want to understand your own and other people’s behavior in a deeper way. If so, this chapter, covering children’s emotional and social development, is for you.

In the following pages, you’ll be getting insights into the challenges in social cognition that children face as they travel from preschool through elementary school. But this chapter has another purpose: to help children such as Moriah, Mark, and Jimmy, who are having troubles relating in the world. With this goal in mind, let’s begin by highlighting that fundamental human challenge—managing our emotions.