BACKGROUND

Communicating competently is challenging, especially when close relationship partners say and do things that provoke us. When problematic encounters happen online, it makes dealing with them even more difficult. Read the case study; then, drawing upon all you know about interpersonal communication thus far, work through the problem-solving model at the end of the exercise—a model designed to help you make more systematic and better relationship decisions in your life.

CASE STUDY

Kaitlyn, Cort, and you have been best friends for years. The three of you are inseparable, and people joke that you’re more like triplets than a trio of friends. After high school, you and Cort become college housemates. Kaitlyn can’t afford tuition yet, so she stays in your hometown to work and save money. Despite the distance, the three of you stay in daily contact.

Recently, however, things have changed. Kaitlyn has been hanging out with people you consider shady. She’s been drinking heavily, and boasting about her all-night binges. You try to be supportive, but you’re worried about her.

You awake one Sunday to find a Facebook photo album posted by Kaitlyn, documenting her latest party adventure. Her description reads, “A new low is reached—I LUV it!!” Surfing through the slideshow, you see Kaitlyn drinking until she passes out. Several photos show her friends laughing and posing with her while she’s unconscious. In one image, they’ve drawn a smiley face on her forehead with a Sharpie. Looking at these photos, you’re heartsick with humiliation for your friend. Why would Kaitlyn hang with people who would treat her like that? But you also can’t understand why she would post these pictures. What if her family saw them? Or her employers? You e-mail her, telling her she should delete the album, and saying that you’re worried about her behavior and her choice of new friends. You await her response for the rest of the day, but she doesn’t call, text, or write.

That night your computer crashes, so you borrow Cort’s laptop. While you’re working, a message alert sounds. It’s an e-mail from Kaitlyn to Cort. You know you shouldn’t read it, but then you see your name mentioned. It’s a rage message, in which Kaitlyn blasts you for prying into her business, for judging her, for thinking you’re better than her, and for telling her what to do. It’s personal, profane, and very insulting.

You feel sick to your stomach with shock. You love Kaitlyn, but you’re also furious with her. How could she say such horrible things when all you were trying to do was help? Just at that moment, a Facebook chat message pops up. It’s from Kaitlyn to Cort: “So glad u r finally online! I want to talk with u about our nosy, o-so-perfect friend!”

YOUR TURN

Think about the ideas and insights regarding interpersonal communication you’ve learned while reading this chapter. Keep them in mind while working through the following five steps. These steps constitute a process that can help you make more competent interpersonal communication choices in important relationships. Remember, there are no right answers to the questions posed here. So think hard about what choice you will make! (Review the Helpful Concepts listed below.)

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