|
|
romantic relationship, 285
 relational dialectics, 287 mere-exposure effect, 289 beautiful-is-good effect, 290 birds-of-a-feather effect, 290 social exchange theory, 291
experimenting, 294 |
integrating, 295
bonding, 295
differentiating, 297
stagnating, 297
relational maintenance, 300 relational intrusion, 311 You can watch brief, illustrative videos of these terms and test your understanding of the concepts by clicking on the VideoCentral features in the chapter. |
|
|
Defining Romantic Relationships
- Although loving is sometimes thought of as an intense form of liking, the two are very different. You can like someone without loving him or her, and love someone without liking the person.
- When people consider what it means to be in love, they frequently think of passionate love. Passionate love is experienced across cultures and ages and is distinct from companionate love, although many romantic relationships evolve from passionate to companionate love.
- Between the poles of passionate and companionate love are six different love types, although there is not one “right” type of romantic love.
- When both partners in a relationship perceive it as romantic, a romantic relationship exists. This relationship often involves commitment and relational dialectics.
- Attraction is strongly influenced by proximity: how frequently you see others and interact with them. This mere exposure effect is one reason for the comparative rarity of interethnic romances.
- Most of us find physically appealing people more attractive than physically unappealing people, and we often attribute a host of positive characteristics to them—the beautiful-is-good effect. At the same time, we tend to engage in matching when it comes to forming long-term romantic relationships.
- Perceived similarity (in interests, beliefs, and values) plays a powerful role in driving attraction, and in general, the birds-of-a-feather effect holds true.
- We tend to be attracted to those we know are attracted to us, a concept known as reciprocal liking.
-
Social exchange theory suggests that attraction to others is driven in part by the resources they can offer you. People perceived as offering many benefits and few costs are seen as desirable. For relationships to survive, however, equity must exist in the balance of rewards and costs exchanged between partners.
|
Relationship Development and Deterioration
- Romantic relationships develop in stages. When coming together, couples commonly go through initiating and experimenting.
- Some couples move beyond experimenting to intensifying and integrating. Few relationships progress to bonding.
- As relationships come apart, differentiating leads partners to believe that their differences are insurmountable. If they fail to constructively deal with differentiating, they may begin circumscribing or even stagnating.
- Many relationships end by avoiding, although couples who feel they need more “closure” may conduct a terminating discussion.
Maintaining Romantic Relationships
- Couples who endure typically use several relational maintenance tactics. The most common strategies include treating each other in a positive fashion, providing frequent assurances regarding relationship commitment, and sharing tasks.
- Long-distance romantic relationships can create unique maintenance issues. To help maintain long-distance relationships, use multiple forms of technology to communicate, follow the same maintenance tactics as couples who are geographically close, and allow for an adjustment period when both partners are permanently reunited.
The Dark Side of Romantic Relationships
- Perhaps the gravest threat to relationship survival is romantic betrayal. Two of the most damaging forms of betrayal are sexual infidelity and deception. These cause profound damage because they create a sense of relational devaluation and a sense of loss.
- Some relationships are challenged by jealousy. Online, jealousy can be caused by wedging, when someone deliberately interferes in a relationship.
- If a romantic partner uses behaviors that try to control you or invade your privacy, it is called relational intrusion. This can create turmoil ifthe relationship is still intact and anger or fear if the relationship is over.
- Despite common beliefs, dating violence affects both men and women of all ages and ethnicities. If you experience such abuse, reach out for professional help.
|
|
|
- Want to know which type of love characterizes your relationship? Check out the Self-Quiz on page 285.
- Why does similarity generate attraction? Discover the answer on pages 290-291.
- Curious about how your online profile will influence an offline relationship? Learn about the tensions technology can create on pages 292-293.
- How can you communicate in ways that will overcome differentiating? Find the answers on pages 296-297; then complete the Skills Practice on page 297.
- What can you do to best deal with a terminating encounter? Review the material on pages 297-298.
- Trying to maintain your romance? Review the tips for using positivity, assurances, sharing tasks, acceptance, self-disclosure, relationship talks, and social networks described on pages 300-304. Then do the Skills Practice on page 305 to discover how to integrate these strategies into your online communication with your partner.
|
- Dealing with a long-distance relationship? See the suggestions for maintenance on pages 304-305.
- Trying to figure out whether your relationship has a bright enough future to invest further effort in maintaining it? Answer the four questions on page 306 to help you decide.
- Wondering if you tend to betray your romantic partners? Take the Self-Quiz on page 307 to determine your betrayal potential.
- Need to control or reduce your jealousy? Check out the strategies on pages 310-311; then complete the Skills Practice on page 311.
- How can you best deal with relational intrusion? Review the discussion on pages 311-312.
- Not sure how to communicate with a partner displaying jealous tendencies? Try the Making Relationship Choices exercise on pages 314-315.
|